Synopsis
This episode, which like many Christmas shows has an anapestic rhyming narration and storybook style, begins in the forest, where "the boy in the red poof-ball hat" discovers a group of talking animals, the Woodland Christmas Critters, building a Christmas tree. They convince a surprised Stan to help make a star for their tree before he goes home. That night, they wake him in his room and explain that one of the animals, a porcupine named Porcupiney, is pregnant with the creatures' Savior. Tired and drowsy, Stan agrees to help them build a manger for the baby. They then enlist his help against another problem: every year, they explain, one of the animals conceives their Savior, but every time, a mountain lion kills it before it gives birth to the baby. They insist that Stan is the only one capable of helping them. Exasperated, Stan manages to kill the beast (by tricking her into jumping off a ledge after him), but is dismayed to find that the lion was the mother of three now-orphaned cubs. Stan is further horrified to discover that the woodland critters are revealed to be, in fact, Satan worshippers, and that their Savior is actually the Antichrist, not an animalistic Son of God. The evil critters point out that this is obvious, saying, "Think about it. Do you really think God would have sex with a porcupine?". They celebrate by sacrificing Rabbitty the Rabbit (much to his delight) and devouring his entrails. A blood orgy immediately follows. Too late, Stan realizes that the mountain lion was only killing the woodland creatures to stop the Anti-Christ from being born.
After much persuasion from the narrator, Stan tries to stop the animals himself. But they easily rebuff him with their Satanic powers. Since it appears that only a mountain lion can kill the Antichrist, Stan returns to the mountains to enlist the orphaned cubs. The cubs, however, note that they need to learn "how to kill babies," so Stan (against his will—the narrator forces him to) takes them to an abortion doctor to teach them how to perform abortions. Meanwhile, the evil critters are searching for a human host for the Antichrist. They discover Kyle, who is both un-baptized and Jewish, and kidnap him to serve their purpose.
Stan returns in time to discover that the Antichrist has already been born, and that his best friend Kyle is tied to a Satanic altar to receive the evil creature. Santa Claus arrives and, when he learns what is happening, pulls out a shotgun and slaughters all the creatures. He is about to kill the Antichrist, but Kyle—now free from the altar—declares that he wants the Antichrist to possess him, so that he can make the world better for the Jews. Kyle gulps down the little Anti-Christ baby. His eyes glow red and he is about to unleash a devastating blow on the world when...
The story suddenly cuts away to Mr. Garrison's fourth-grade class. Everything that had happened so far in the episode was merely a Christmas-themed story that Cartman had written and was reading to the class. Kyle tells Cartman to stop, claiming that the story is just another way to mock Kyle's religion at Christmas time. Mr. Garrison, fearing complaints from Kyle's mother, forces Cartman to stop. The other boys—including Stan himself, however, plead with Kyle to let Cartman continue because they want to hear the ending; Kyle objects that the ending is obvious, that Kyle (in the story) will merely be killed by Santa Claus so that Christmas is saved. Cartman says that is not the ending, and as the other kids persist, Kyle unwillingly allows Cartman to continue.
Back in the story, Kyle suddenly declares that he can now feel that the Antichrist is pure evil, while Stan responds, "What did you expect, dude? It's the son of the Devil!" Santa, however, says that they have no choice but to kill Kyle, before the Antichrist can consume his soul and unleash his reign of terror. Stan, however, has the mountain lion cubs perform an abortion on Kyle, removing the Antichrist, which Santa unceremoniously smashes with a sledgehammer. Santa gives Stan a special Christmas wish, and Stan uses it to have Santa resurrect the mountain lion cubs' mother, much to his relief. Everyone then goes home to a happy Christmas. The narrator concludes, "they all lived happily ever after, except for Kyle, who died of AIDS two weeks later." Kyle is shown on a hospital bed slowly dying. The episode ends with a Christmas-themed title card reading, "The End", and Kyle (unseen) shouts in frustration, "Goddammit, Cartman!"
Read more about this topic: Woodland Critter Christmas