Smith & Dale - "Dr. Kronkheit and His Only Living Patient"

"Dr. Kronkheit and His Only Living Patient"

During the 1920s, they became famous for their signature sketch "Doctor Kronkheit and His Only Living Patient," which like "Who's on First?" for Abbott and Costello, became one of the famous comedy sketches of the 20th century. The name of the doctor is an inside joke: Smith and Dale, both being Jewish, named the physician Kronkheit, which is Yiddish and German for "sickness". Thus we have a doctor named "Dr. Sickness". Indeed a hospital in German is called a Krankenhaus, or literally "sick house".

Dr. Kronkheit (played by Dale, not Smith as is sometimes reported) is greeted by skeptical patient Smith:

SMITH: Are you a doctor?
DALE: I'm a doctor.
SMITH: I'm dubious.
DALE: I'm glad to know you, Mr. Dubious.

Most of the sketch has Dr. Kronkheit trying to determine the patient's problem:

SMITH: It's terrible. I walk around all night.
DALE: Ah! You're a somnambulist!
SMITH: No, I'm a night watchman.

SMITH: I got rheumatism on the back of my neck.
DALE: Ah, where would you want a better place than on the back of your neck?
SMITH: On the back of your neck.

SMITH: Doctor, it hurts when I do this.
DALE: Don't do that.

The patient explains that he has already seen a doctor:

SMITH: He told me I had snew in my blood.
DALE: What did he told you?
SMITH: He told me I had snew in my blood.
DALE: Snew? What's snew?
SMITH: Nothing. What's new with you?

SMITH (reacting to Dale spitting on his stethoscope:) Doctor, what is that you're doing?
DALE: Sterilization.

DALE: The whole trouble with you is, you need eyeglasses.
SMITH: Eyeglasses?! I suppose if I had a headache, I'd need an umbrella.

Dr. Kronkheit's fee is ten dollars.

SMITH: Ten dollars! For what?!?
DALE: For my advice.
SMITH: Doctor, here is two dollars, take it. That's my advice!

In 1951 the "Dr. Kronkheit" routine was filmed for posterity (in color) for the RKO Radio Pictures musical Two Tickets to Broadway.lox