Core Ideas
People in intimate relation ships instigate conflicts in order to resolve unsatisfied needs. Among Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, marital fighting springs on frustration of needs 2-4: Safety, Belonging; Love, and Self-Esteem. The need for safety refers to the absence or alleviation of anxiety and fear of isolation and rejection. It is a sense of well-being, physical and financial security, and provides a foundation for personal health. The need for belonging and love, when satisfied represents the resolution of the dreaded feelings of loneliness, abandonment, depression, and social anxiety.
Even when a good fight can clear the air and define which needs are claiming for attention, unbridled, applying a zero-sum style of fighting ends up destroying the relationship itself. With the objective of controlling, humiliating or winning over the other, all kinds of negative things are said that are very difficult to retrieve. The results are discouraging, because when repetition of the fight happens, inevitable when it is not resolved at the deep needs level, it will sour the relationship. Fair fighting is designed to deal with issues that bring serious conflict while preserving the relationship.
Read more about this topic: Fair Fighting
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