Biography
- He confuses himself with the ill-fated TV show Eldorado, but on the plus side, this means you only have to put up with him three times a week for half an hour (he also occasionally turns up at other times, only to repeat everything he said last time).
- His worst nightmare is that, like Eldorado, no-one will pay him any attention and eventually he'll be killed off.
- He has a habit of falling in love with furniture, especially sideboards. He even has custom made Love Heart sweets to this effect.
- For fun, he once dressed up in a rabbit costume. While it was plugged into the mains. In a swimming pool.
- He finds 'Surveillance Equipment' very interesting and exciting, despite knowing nothing whatsoever about it.
- He used to be a bus driver, on a one man operated bus. Unfortuately he was fired after it crashed. Elderado claims it was not his fault, since he was upstairs collecting fares at the time.
- He can be homcidal, but was released from prison early. His social worker claimed it was due to good behavior. After all, he hadn't killed anyone for almost a week.
- His favourite drink is a mug of hot Coca-Cola.
- He once disguised himself as waiter at a wedding reception. However, his idea had three flaws:
- He wasn't wearing a waiter's overalls, but a labcoat he had eaten half of.
- He only served SPAM sandwiches.
- The vegetarian option was SPAM sandwiches without the SPAM. (a Monty Python allusion)
- He plans to teach in a private school.
- Due to spending much time in medical institutions, he has undergone much plastic surgery. Unfortunately, this has worsened his condition, since now when he looks in the mirror, he thinks that he sees someone else.
- He spent some time in drag and carrying around a large desk lamp, having confused himself with Florence Nightingale. He was disappointed therefore to find that working for Peter Corey did not involve nursing or hospital work in Crimea. He also found a seancé with Florence Nightingale deeply disturbing.
Read more about this topic: Elderado Dingbatti
Famous quotes containing the word biography:
“In how few words, for instance, the Greeks would have told the story of Abelard and Heloise, making but a sentence of our classical dictionary.... We moderns, on the other hand, collect only the raw materials of biography and history, “memoirs to serve for a history,” which is but materials to serve for a mythology.”
—Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862)
“A biography is like a handshake down the years, that can become an arm-wrestle.”
—Richard Holmes (b. 1945)
“Had Dr. Johnson written his own life, in conformity with the opinion which he has given, that every man’s life may be best written by himself; had he employed in the preservation of his own history, that clearness of narration and elegance of language in which he has embalmed so many eminent persons, the world would probably have had the most perfect example of biography that was ever exhibited.”
—James Boswell (1740–95)