Series 1: 2000
| # | Title | Air Date |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | "Mops with Poop" | 7 January 2000 |
| 2 | "Fish with Grog" | 14 January 2000 |
| 3 | "Flag with Bilge" | 21 January 2000 |
| 4 | "Boing with Jones" | 28 January 2000 |
| 5 | "Blow with Poop" | 4 February 2000 |
| 6 | "Fiddle with Swab" | 11 February 2000 |
| 7 | "Bullseye with Cutlass" | 14 February 2000 |
| 8 | "Pancake with Poop" | 15 February 2000 |
| 9 | "Puff with Jones" | 16 February 2000 |
| 10 | "Jug with Swab" | 17 February 2000 |
| 11 | "Cheese with Grog" | 18 February 2000 |
| 12 | "Sail with Jones" | 21 February 2000 |
| 13 | "Lost with Swab" | 22 February 2000 |
| 14 | "Feast with Rats" | 23 February 2000 |
| 15 | "Clonk with Flamingo" | 24 February 2000 |
| 16 | "Art with Crow" | 25 February 2000 |
| 17 | "Bell with Parrot" | 28 February 2000 |
| 18 | "Bowl with Bilge" | 29 February 2000 |
| 19 | "Drill with Parrot" | 1 March 2000 |
| 20 | "Flotsam with Plunder" | 2 March 2000 |
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“Autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying, since any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.”
—George Orwell (1903–1950)