Plot
The pirate Yellowbeard (Chapman) was incarcerated for 20 years for tax evasion — apart from his years terrorizing the high seas ("Often forcing his victims to eat their own lips..."). He survives the sentence but has not disclosed the whereabouts of his vast treasure ("...in spite of 20 years of rehabilitation. And torture."). The Royal Navy hatches a plot to increase his sentence by 140 years, knowing that he will escape in a rage to set out for his treasure. This he does, recruiting a motley crew of companions. He had left a map of the treasure in the chimney of his wife's pub, but she burned the map. She then tells Yellowbeard that she had the map tattooed on their son's head. Things go wrong when his former shipmate-turned-traitor Bosun Moon's (Boyle) press gangs take over the ship. With the Head of the Secret Service (Idle) hot on their trail, they eventually find the island, where a group of AWOL Spanish Conquistadors (Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong) have taken residence with their ill-gotten gains, and the battle for the treasure commences. During the battle he recalls the steps to his buried treasure saying "Stagger, Stagger, Crawl, Crawl" in reference to the injured state he was in when he hid the treasure.
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“The plot was most interesting. It belonged to no particular age, people, or country, and was perhaps the more delightful on that account, as nobody’s previous information could afford the remotest glimmering of what would ever come of it.”
—Charles Dickens (1812–1870)
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