Norms For Mourning
Manners and Rules of Good Society, or, Solecisms to be Avoided (London, Frederick Warne & Co., 1887) gives clear instructions, such as the following:
| Relationship to deceased | First mourning | Second mourning | Ordinary mourning | Half-mourning |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Wife for husband | 1-year, 1-month; bombazine fabric covered with crepe; widow's cap, lawn cuffs, collars | 6 months: less crepe | 6 months: no crepe, silk or wool replaces bombazine; in last 3 months jet jewellery and ribbons can be added | 6 months: colours permitted are grey, lavender, mauve, and black-and-grey |
| Daughter for parent | 6 months: black with black or white crepe (for young girls); no linen cuffs and collars; no jewellery for first 2 months | 4 months: less crepe | – | 2 months as above |
| Wife for husband's parents | 18 months in black bombazine with crepe | – | 3 months in black | 3 months as above |
| Parent for son- or daughter-in-law's parent | – | – | 1-month black | – |
| Second wife for parent of a first wife | – | – | 3 months black | – |
The complexity of these etiquette rules extends to specific mourning periods and attire for siblings, step-parents, aunts and uncles distinguished by blood and by marriage, nieces, nephews, first and second cousins, children, infants, and "connections" (who were entitled to ordinary mourning for a period of "1–3 weeks, depending on level of intimacy"). Men were expected to wear mourning black to a lesser extent than women, and for a shorter mourning period. After the mid-19th century, men would wear a black hatband and black suit, but for only half the prescribed period of mourning expected of women. Widowers were expected to mourn for a mere three months, whereas the proper mourning period expected for widows was up to four years. Women who mourned in black for longer periods were accorded great respect in public for their devotion to the departed, the most prominent example being Queen Victoria herself.
Women with lesser financial means tried to keep up with the example being set by the middle and upper classes by dyeing their daily dress. Dyers made most of their income during the Victorian period by dyeing clothes black for mourning.
Read more about this topic: Victorian Fashion
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