Schlock Mercenary - The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries is a popular handbook in the Schlock Mercenary universe.

This book was originally called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates, a parody of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but after Tayler received a cease and desist letter from FranklinCovey, he made the retcon on January 24, 2011. Tayler said that the letter "was worded as nicely as such a thing can be".

The book's maxims are often quoted by Tagon, as well as other characters. The following is a list of the maxims found in Schlock Mercenary, ordered by maxim number. The date given after each maxim is the date it first appeared in the strip.

1. Pillage, then burn. (7 February 2002)

2. A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on. (31 July 2009)

3. An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody. (1 November 2009)

4. Close air support covereth a multitude of sins. (14 April 2008)

5. Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart. (21 April 2010)

6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it. (13 March 2005)

7. If the food is good enough the grunts will stop complaining about the incoming fire. (20 April 2011)

8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock. (21 November 2002)

9. Never turn your back on an enemy. (8 March 2003)

10. Sometimes the only way out is through. . . through the hull. (17 January 2009)

11. Everything is air-droppable at least once. (15 April 2008)

12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head. (21 November 2002)

13. Do unto others. (8 March 2003)

14. "Mad Science" means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?" (Resident Mad Scientist, back cover)

15. Only you can prevent friendly fire. (18 November 2010)

16. Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth. (21 November 2002)

17. The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster. (20 February 2012)

18. If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear. (4 January 2012)

19. The world is richer when you turn enemies into friends, but that's not the same as you being richer. (27 October 2012 via twitter)

20. If you're not willing to shell your own position, you're not willing to win. (15 January 2012)

21. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow. (4 April 2004)

22. If you can see the whites of their eyes, somebody's done something wrong. (13 July 2012)

23. The company mess and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart. (27 October 2012 via twitter)

24. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a big gun. (18 March 2012)

25. If the damage you do is covered by a manufacturer's warranty, you didn't do enough damage (25 November 2012)

27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence. (8 March 2003)

28. If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid to bring ammunition home with you. (7 September 2011)

29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less. (8 March 2003)

30. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go. (8 March 2003)

31. Only cheaters prosper. (11 May 2003)

34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun. (29 February 2004)

35. That which does not kill you has made a tactical error. (T-shirt sold by Tayler)

36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support. (2 October 2003)

37. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.' (23 February 2004)

Alternate version: There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'time to reload.' (6 March 2004)(Poster sold by Tayler)

38. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients. (26 March 2004)