Plot
England manager Phil Cope suffers a heart attack during qualification for the World Cup, which started out well but has gone badly wrong of late. The FA heads meet to decide who should be the new England manager, but soon run into trouble. The most successful Premier League manager is Scottish (based on Sir Alex Ferguson), the second most successful is a former England captain who is interested in the job, but the FA decide that he is too much of a "loudmouth" and refuse to consider him (a reference to the numerous times Brian Clough was passed over for the England job), while none of the other English managers in the Premiership are interested. They are forced to look to Division One, and Bassett, who has just won the Mr Clutch Cup with Norwich City.
Bassett takes over the England team and appoints his assistant manager Lonnie Urquart (Philip Jackson), who is very old-fashioned in his beliefs and still acts like a used car salesman and often compares the England players' performances to cars, and coach Dave Dodds (Bradley Walsh), a spineless "yes-man" who once managed with Mike at Colchester United (a reference to Phil Neal under the Graham Taylor era). The team need one win from three World Cup qualifiers to get to the World Cup Finals in Brazil. With a squad featuring a pony-tailed goalkeeper (based on David Seaman); Kevin Tonkinson, an alcoholic Mackem (based on Paul Gascoigne); Rufus Smalls, a striker going through a very poor run of form (based on Andy Cole); Steve Harper, a playboy midfielder (based on David Beckham) and Gary Wackett, an extremely aggressive centre-back (based on Stuart Pearce/Vinnie Jones); he plays an old-fashioned 4-4-2 formation and attempts to bring football back to where it belongs. Unfortunately, he loses his first two games in charge and his managerial career is already on the rocks. Needing to beat Slovenia in the final qualifier to make it to Brazil, England can only manage a draw. However, a shock win by Luxembourg over Turkey sees them go through on goal difference. He and his team record the official England World Cup song with band Atomic Kitten, with compositions by "hellraiser" Keith Allen.
So, England are on their way to Brazil. When they arrive, progress is not smooth as they start their tour by brawling with the Scottish and Irish teams. A difficult group stage sees them on the verge of heading home after they can only manage a goalless draw with unfancied Egypt before losing heavily to Mexico. One of England's training sessions is rendered pointless after Urquart locks the footballs in his Opel and goes shopping. Captain Gary Wackett is jailed for taking part in hooliganism; midfield playmaker Tonkinson accidentally gets involved in a drunken tryst with a transsexual; assistant manager Urquart is sacked after punching Bassett for berating him as useless and when Mike mixes flaming sambucas with anti-depressants, it seems things can get no worse.
The morning after his drunken incident he is involved in a press conference where he is expected to step-down from the managerial position. When he announces that he is carrying on the press begin to get hostile and Bassett responds by the reciting of "If—" by Rudyard Kipling which he finished by saying "England will be playing 4-4-2" and storms out. Following this England need to beat Argentina to get through to the second round. England succeed when Tonkinson dribbles past the Argentinian defence, his shot deflects off the crossbar and he punches the ball into the net (alluding to Diego Maradona's infamous Hand of God goal and his legendary Goal of the Century, both scored against England in the 1986 World Cup). England advanced to the knock-out stages where they beat Romania and France. Rufus Smalls scored a hat-trick against Romania and became England's top goal scorer with 52 international goals. But England lose to Brazil in the semi-finals. Bashir states that England equal their best performance since they won in 1966 (in 1990 England finished fourth). The team return to England to a cheering crowd and Bassett announces that he will not quit.
Read more about this topic: Mike Bassett: England Manager
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“The plot was most interesting. It belonged to no particular age, people, or country, and was perhaps the more delightful on that account, as nobody’s previous information could afford the remotest glimmering of what would ever come of it.”
—Charles Dickens (1812–1870)
“The plot was most interesting. It belonged to no particular age, people, or country, and was perhaps the more delightful on that account, as nobody’s previous information could afford the remotest glimmering of what would ever come of it.”
—Charles Dickens (1812–1870)