Kearney Zzyzwicz, voiced by Nancy Cartwright, is one of Springfield Elementary's many bullies. He has a buzz cut, and wears a torn white T-shirt, blue shorts, and studded wristbands. Although he looks and sounds to be around Jimbo or Dolph's age, Kearney is actually older. He is the only Springfield Elementary School student who remembers the Watergate Scandal and the 1976 Bicenntenial (according to Principal Skinner), was in Otto the bus driver's third-grade class (according to Otto), owns a car (even though he rode the school bus on "A Milhouse Divided", "The Mook, the Chef, the Wife, and Her Homer", and "How the Test Was Won"), regularly shaves, has custody of a child from a divorce, is old enough to vote in a general U.S. election (despite that he may be a felon), was sent to prison (though "Marge Be Not Proud" and "Lisa the Skeptic" depicted Kearney in juvenile hall), and pays taxes.
In "She of Little Faith", Kearney dated Jimbo's mother. In the same episode, it is revealed that he is on the church council of the First Church of Springfield and is "a teenager and the parent of a teenager" (implying that the son he introduced in "A Milhouse Divided" may also be older than his outward appearance, though past episodes also imply that Kearney is not a teenager). Despite being of the legal age in the United States to purchase and drink it (as seen in "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer"), Kearney often relies on (or tricks) Homer into procuring alcohol for himself and his friends, as seen in "The Springfield Connection" when Homer tells Marge that he's double-parked because he's buying beer for "those kids over there", "Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious" when Kearney applies for the nanny job and Homer tells him that he keeps some Schnapps in Maggie's crib, and "Last Tap Dance in Springfield," in which Kearney tricks Homer into driving him, Dolph, and Jimbo to the liquor store to buy Jack Daniels and "a carton of smokes" by impersonating Marge, and once used a fake ID (which Apu overlooked, as he was too depressed about being deported to care that Kearney was committing a crime as seen in "Much Apu About Nothing").
Kearney's last name (Zzyzwicz) was revealed in a computer file in season 18's "24 Minutes". Prior to that episode, Kearney's surname was never mentioned. Kearney's newly-revealed last name implies that he could be of Polish descent. In "Bart Gets a 'Z'", Kearney can be seen sitting in the back row of Bart's classroom, implying that Kearney is a fourth grader. Kearney's father was shown on the season eight episode "The Homer They Fall", but in "O Brother, Where Bart Thou?", Kearney reveals that both of his parents are incarcerated and they only meet when the prison and insane asylum have their annual mixer.
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