Knapp's Relational Development Model - Coming Together Phase

Coming Together Phase

The first stage of the Coming Together phase of the Relationship Development Model is the initiating stage where first impressions of the two people involved in the relationship are made once the initial contact has been made. Often physical factors play a role in this stage, such as clothing, perfumes or colognes, hair styles, and overall appearance. People often want to portray themselves as easy to talk to, friendly, and open to discussion. This stage does not include deep revealing conversations, but rather light conversation meant to survey the possibility of a closer personal relationship with someone.

Moving from the initiation stage of the Model, the next stage is experimentation. In this stage of the relationship, the two people attempt to find some common ground between each other’s lives such as common interests and hobbies. This stage is also referred to as the probing stage, because each person probes the other for information that would allow them to further the social connection between them. Many relationships end here, never developing to anything more than a mere acquaintance.

However, those relationships that do move to the next stage experience the intensifying stage. Here also is where people test the potential of the relationship with varying degrees of self disclosure to see if that will be reciprocated and to test the impressions one is making. In the intensifying stage of the Relationship Development Model, relationships grow and self-disclosure becomes more apparent and deep. People find many different ways to foster their relationships in order to stimulate relational development. Methods include giving gifts, asking for a romantic relationship commitment or expressing affection both verbally and nonverbally. Of course, there are no set guidelines for every relationship in the intensifying stage. Every relationship possesses unique characteristics that make it difficult for the Relationship Development Model to accurately predict if efforts to further the relationship will succeed or fail. Partners in some relationships may “test the waters” to see if particular advances are welcomed or frowned upon. These "secret" tests are intended to test the intensity of a relationship. They can include presenting the other person as a girlfriend or boyfriend (presentation) or seeing if the relationship lasts when a temporary physical separation between the two people occurs. Others will openly engage interpersonally in a declaration to the other of their intent to be exclusive in some fashion.

The fourth stage of relationship growth is the integration stage, where the lives of the two people begin to merge and their status as a couple is confirmed. In this stage friends that one would have individually meet and social groups combine. Also occurring at this stage are the beginnings of a sexual relationship and the deepest levels of self-disclosure are approached, signifying the intimacy of the relationship.

After the integration stage, the final stage of the coming together half of the Relationship DM is reached, the bonding stage. In this stage, the commitment of the relationship is communicated to the rest of the world. From a legal perspective, it could be called marriage, but marriage is not necessary in the bonding stage. For instance, if gay and lesbian couples, where forbidden by law to marry, announce or declare their relationships, this can move the couple into this stage of the relationship. The bonding stage is where many intimate and romantic relationships remain indefinitely, until divorce, death, or otherwise. Key points to maintaining a relationship at this stage include sharing power equally, emphasizing positive and constructive communication patterns, and making frequent connections with one another.