Jon Champion - Amusing Quotes

Amusing Quotes

A regular figure in Private Eye's Colemanballs, below are a few memorable lines :

• "A full-blooded encounter for a number of reasons, many of them illegitimate."
• "They seem to be in total, if not complete control"
• "Victor Hernandez, like an orchestral conductor directing his troops..."
• "Two late goals, both in the last twenty minutes..."
• "There’s 30 minutes gone and we’re in the first quarter of the game."
• "Given away by Carvalho... here's Rooney, it's a horrible error by the Portuguese!!!"

As a commentator :

• Match Intro - Arsenal vs. Man Utd (January 2007) "Meetings between these clubs are never dull, they are often momentous. League championships have been won... tempers have been lost... pizzas have been thrown."
• Celtic vs. Milan (February 2007), after Alberto Gilardino performed a clear dive in the box: "And Gilardino's gone down almost posthumously!"
• In the 94th minute of Turkey vs. Czech Republic (June 2008) "If a spaceship landed in the centre circle, direct from Mars, I wouldn't be surprised now."
• Just after kick off in the England v Czech Republic international friendly (August 2008) "His predecessor was a legend, but he just looks like a plumber." About the Czech Republic manager.
• Manchester United v Middlesbrough (December 2008) "And here is Ronaldo...and he's fallen over."
• Newcastle's 3 - 0 loss to Liverpool (May 2009) and two matches shy of relegation, after a lingering look from behind the goal in which a knotted bit of netting can be seen. "Is that the hangman's rope in the picture there? . . . Newcastle, hovering over the trap door."
• Liverpool vs. Everton (January 2009), after a goal by Joleon Lescott "As a paid-up member of the centre-backs' union, he'll be forced to retire after scoring from there."
• Arsenal vs. Chelsea 0-3 (November 2009), after Didier Drogba's opening goal: "Same old story! Arsenal play the football; Chelsea have the goal!"