Discworld Characters - Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler

Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler

Claude Maximillian Overton Transpire Dibbler, usually known as Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, C.M.O.T. Dibbler, or simply Dibbler, is one of the numerous bit part characters in Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels. Described as Discworld's most enterprisingly unsuccessful entrepreneur, a 'merchant venturer' in Ankh-Morpork, he is most famous for selling meat by-products to unsuspecting souls. His name originates from his catchphrase '... and at that price, I'm cutting me own throat.' He has also been a moving pictures (movie) producer/director where his lack of scruples was entirely reminiscent of the pioneers of modern motion pictures, similarly, the agent of a 'Music with Rocks In' group, and sold strange green liquid made by monks living on a mountain according to an ancient recipe (Lance-Constable Carrot disputes this). He has also been known to sell 'fong shooey' advice, mail-order martial arts lessons (under the alias 'Grand Master Lobsang Dibbler'), 'Dibbler's Genuine Soggy Mountain Dew,' souvenir snow-globes and advertising space in the Ankh-Morpork Times. In Men at Arms, he made a brief venture at selling food for trolls and later dwarfs. He is at his best selling intangibles; physical merchandise tends to hamper his patter somewhat. Indeed he once said he was best at 'selling ideas.' Whenever anything physical is being sold, the claims made on his labels range from euphemisms to outright fabrications. As Nobby Nobbs put it after being told of the 'Soggy Mountain Dew' claim of '150% proof', "It ain't got no proof—just circumstantial evidence."

When Dibbler's business plans fail, he falls back to selling (mostly) 'pies with personality' and 'pig' sausages-inna-bun on the streets of Ankh-Morpork. He has been accused of 'not being able to make both ends meat. He is described in the books as resembling a rodent, and wears a long 'poacher's' coat covered in pockets. He is usually seen either carrying a tray or pushing a barrow (in better times). This contains sausages-in-buns, meat pies, and probably some merchandise connected with whatever the latest Morporkian fad is, but only when other ideas have proven to be bad. His full name is mentioned in Making Money. His nickname was inadvertently suggested to him in Night Watch by the transported Samuel Vimes, who instantly rued it. This in itself is an ontological paradox (which was of course evened out by the history monks).'

The wizard Rincewind had a theory that equivalents of Dibbler are everywhere. This theory is borne out by the appearance of several versions of Dibbler throughout the Discworld series:

• Solstice "Soll" Dibbler, Cut-Me-Own-Throat's nephew, who both worked together when making moving pictures (Moving Pictures).
• Disembowel-Meself-Honourably Dibhala sold suspiciously fresh thousand-year eggs in the Agatean Empire (Interesting Times).
• Fair Go Dibbler sold the archetypal pie floaters on the lost continent of Fourecks (The Last Continent).
• Cut-Me-Own-Hand-Off Dhblah sold disturbingly live yogurt in Omnia (Small Gods). In the Discworld II computer game, his name is spelt D'blah and he gives secrets about pyramid power in Djelibeybi.
• Al-Jiblah, a merchant in Klatch (Jingo).
• May-I-Never-Achieve-Enlightenment Dhiblang; mentioned in The Last Continent.
• Dib Diblossonson sold topless-bottomless smörgåsbord in the Hubland barbarian fjords.
• May-I-Be-Kicked-In-My-Own-Ice-Hole Dibooki apparently only gathered whale meat after a conveniently beached whale had exploded into bite-sized chunks of its own accord.
• Swallow-Me-Own-Blowdart Dhlang-Dhlang sold green beer, location unknown but suspected to be tropical rain forest, possibly Howondaland.
• Point-Me-Own-Bone Dibjla, an Aboriginal Dibbler from Fourecks in the Discworld II PC game.

Other Dibbler equivalents include Ratonasticthenes from Ephebe, mentioned in The Science of Discworld. It was previously thought they might all be related, but the Discworld Companion explains that this is parallel evolution. 'Wherever people are prepared to eat terrible food,' it says, 'there will be someone there to sell it to them.'

Dibbler appeared in the Cosgrove Hall animations of Soul Music and Wyrd Sisters, in which his appearance seemed to be modelled on Private Joe Walker, the spiv in Dad's Army. He also appears in the Discworld computer game. He also appears in Discworld 2, along with many of the other Dibblers, including D'Blah and Point-Me-Own-Bone Dibjla (who is exclusive to the game). Additionally, in Discworld Noir, CMOT Dibbler is mentioned in the game on an Octarine Parrot bill and is said to be the one who gave Lewton his imp-powered coffee machine. A character named C!Mot is briefly mentioned in The Also People, a Doctor Who Virgin New Adventures novel by Ben Aaronovitch, running a T-shirt stall in the marketplace of Whynot. Aaronovitch has confirmed that C!Mot is intended as a parallel Dibbler, although how similar he is to the original (since the People have an entirely non-capitalist society) is unknown. A character called 'Clap-Me-In-Irons Daoibleagh' appears in the webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan.

In Good Omens after Crowley's Bentley bursts into flames over the M25 motorway a crowd gathers. There is also a man selling hot dogs, possibly a reference to Dibbler.