County of Bentheim - The People

The People

"In spirit," writes Harger, "the people of Bentheim have never lost their independence. They became Hanoverians; they were invaded by Napoleon. Prussia took them over in 1866. They lived under the Kaiser and under Hitler. Through all this they came with good courage. If you ask them today about their identity, they just might tell you, 'Wy bin't Groofschappers' (We are from the County)."

Arranged marriages have been a longstanding tradition in Grafschaft (county) Bentheim. In former times, the parents arranged for their children to marry a distant relative. Weddings lasted three days with each invited guest giving about 100 DM ($50 in 1988) to the newly married couple. The couple signs the marriage contract before the ceremony (as opposed to after, as in the United States). The presentation of the dowry and hope chest was part of the ceremony.

Until the 1950s, most gave birth, with aid of a midwife, in their own home. After birth, the baby would have its lower body tightly wrapped to prevent it becoming bowlegged and a tight fitting cap would be placed on its head, covering the ears, "so the ears would grow nice and close to the face." Children born during the week would be baptized in the Reformed tradition that coming Sunday, attended by the neighbors and midwife to stand as witnesses. In former times, the new mother would not leave the house during the first six weeks after giving birth.

When a family member dies, the next-door neighbor is the first to be contacted. He is in charge for the next four days, and instructs the other neighbors as to their duties. He is responsible for contacting the pastor (officiant), the bell ringer, and the gravedigger and making the burial arrangements. The town bell would be sounded one toll for each year the deceased had lived. If the death occurred after 9:00 p.m., this would wait until 9:00 the following morning. The casket builder would then begin his work, and the "death messengers" would be dispatched to inform the citizenry of the death with a message akin to "You are asked to attend the funeral of the departed ____________ at (time and date)." All in attendance at the funeral would wear unadorned black clothing. From 850 CE to about 1850 CE, burial was done in the churchyard, the idea being that the "church on earth" was the closest place to the "Church Triumphant." A grave was family-owned, and could be reused for another family member after 30 years. Napoleon decreed the establishment of cemetery yards outside of the city or village (for sanitary reasons) in 1808, an edict which was resisted in Bentheim, but finally adopted in 1850.

The funeral was followed by a church service featuring songs about resurrection. The length of the mourning period varied by relationship to the deceased: three years for the spouse, two years for the children, one year for the siblings, and 6 weeks for the next-door neighbor. During this period, unadorned black was to be worn, and this was strictly enforced.