Marriage To Arthur Wellesley
Pakenham had been a pretty, vivacious girl when Wellesley had met her ten years before, but she was thin, pale and in poor health by the time he informed Sparrow that he was returning to England and that she should "renew the proposition he had made some years ago" on his behalf. Pakenham feared that Wellesley felt bound by promises he had made ten years earlier and was in two minds as to whether to accept the proposal. Despite his more formal proposal after he had obtained her brother's permission, she insisted that he should see her in person before committing himself. Wellesley travelled to Ireland to meet her, and although he was obviously disappointed in the change in her (he said to his brother "She has grown ugly, by Jove!"), went ahead with the marriage. The couple were married on 10 April 1806, by Wellesley's clergyman brother Gerald, and after a brief honeymoon, Wellesley returned to England. Kitty followed him and after a stay with his brother while Wellesley continued to inhabit his bachelor's lodging, they set up home together in Harley Street.
Though she regained something of her former health, the two did not get on well together. Wellesley was a man of action as well as frugal and reserved with a sharp wit; Kitty lacked worldly experience was easily roused to jealousy and fussed around him. With little in common, Wellesley could not help but give the impression that he found her poor company and although she bore him two sons, Arthur, in 1807, and Charles, in 1808, they lived apart for most of the time and occupied separate rooms in the house when they were together. Her brother, Edward "Ned" Pakenham, served under Wellesley throughout the Peninsular War and Wellesley's regard for him helped to smooth his relations with Kitty, until Ned Pakenham's death at the Battle of New Orleans in 1815.
Wellesley remained in Portugal and Spain during the entire Peninsular War, not returning to England until 1814. Kitty aged quickly, becoming dumpy and short-sighted, causing her to squint when talking. Wellesley found her vain and vacuous. It appears that she indeed loved him, but contented herself by doting on her sons and four adopted children. Wellesley confided to Harriet Arbuthnot that he had "repeatedly tried to live in a friendly manner with her...but it was impossible...& it drove him to seek that comfort & happiness abroad that was denied him at home";
Read more about this topic: Catherine Wellesley, Duchess Of Wellington
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