Russian Jokes - Religion

Religion

A notable feature of Soviet humor is the virtual lack of jokes about religion. This is because religion and religious followers were persecuted under Soviet rule.

Nevertheless, there are jokes out there that make fun of the clergy. They tend to be told in quasi-Church Slavonic, with its archaisms and the stereotypical okanye - a clear pronunciation of the unstressed /o/ as /o/. (Modern Russian or "Muscovite" speech reduces unstressed /o/ to /a/.) Clergymen in these jokes always bear obsolete names of distinctively Greek origin and speak in basso profundo.

• (L) At the lesson of the Holy Word: "Disciple Dormidontiy, pray tell me, is the soul separable from the body or not." / "Separable, Father." / "Verily speakest thou. Substantiate thy reckoning." / "Yesterday morning, Father, I was passing by your cell and overheard your voice chanting: (imitates bass) '...And now, my soul, arise and get thee dressed.' " / "Substantiatest... But in vulgar!" (The Russian phrase that translates literally as "my soul" is a term of endearment, often toward romantic partners, comparable to English "my darling")
• A lass in a miniskirt jumps onto a bus. The bus starts abruptly, and she falls onto the lap of a seated priest. Surprised, she looks down and says, "Wow!" "It's not a 'wow!', my daughter," says the priest, "it is the key to the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour!" (Priest, later, coming to the cathedral) "Holy shit! I've left the keys at home!"
• A man died and was sent to the paradise. After a while, he became bored with the paradise, with the eternal quiet, abundance of flowers, absence of worries. So he requested to let him visit the hell as a tourist. God consented. In the hell, he saw people playing cards, drinking wine, and making love. He liked it very much and upon return to the paradise applied for a transfer to hell for good. God consented. As soon a he appeared at the hell's gate, demons grabbed him and pushed him into a barrel with hot tar. "Stop it! I was here with a visit and saw the people drinking vodka, playing cards, making love." "Don't confuse the area designated for tourists and sustained by the Propaganda Department, with this area which is for residents."

Other jokes touching on religion involve Heaven or Hell.