Cotton Hill - Military Service

Military Service

Cotton was zealously proud of his military service record and his status as a war hero, although he tended to exaggerate his exploits. He often claims to anyone who will listen that he killed "fitty (50) men" during the war. He consistently reminded everyone within earshot about how he lost his shins during World War II:

"I was 14, just a little older than Bobby. But I knew Uncle Sam needed me, so I lied and signed up. We had beat the Nazzys in Italy, and they shipped me to the Pacific theater. A Tojo torpedo sent our troop ship to the bottom. I could only save three of my buddies: Fatty, Stinky, and Brooklyn. They were kind of like you fellas, only one of them was from Brooklyn. Out of the sun came a Tojo Zero and put fitty bullets in my back. The blood attracted sharks. I had to give 'em Fatty. Then things took a turn for the worse. I made it to an island, but it was full of Tojos! They were spitting on the U.S. flag! So I rushed 'em, but it was a trap. They opened fire and blew my shins off. Last thing I remember, I beat 'em all to death with a big piece of Fatty. I woke up in a field hospital, and they were sewing my feet to my knees."

Interestingly, during Cotton's first appearance in the series premiere, he is shown to in fact have knees. This is depicted in Hank's memory flashback of his father telling him about how his shins were blown off. Cotton is shown walking with distinct knee bends visible through his pants, albeit very close to his feet. This was presumably before the decision was made that Cotton's feet were re-attached directly to his knees. The discrepancy can be explained away as an inaccurate memory on the part of Hank.

He referred to the Japanese as "Tojos," a slur not unlike Jap and deriving from war-time Japanese Prime Minister and General Hideki Tojo. He would also refer to the Nazis as "Nazzys."

If Cotton's story is to be believed, he was born around 1927, making him about 70 in the first season of the show. In a third season episode, Hank says Cotton is 74. He also claimed to have fought battles in both Munich and Okinawa within days of each other, but later admitted to not fighting in Munich.

Based upon Cotton's uniform in the episode "Returning Japanese", he earned the following military decorations: Medal of Honor, Purple Heart, and American Campaign Medal. In the episode "When Cotton Comes Marching Home", his Silver Star is displayed in a case at the VFW. In the 12th episode of season 11, he is wearing the third class of the Legion of Honor, the highest award given by the French government, who gave it to a select handful of American troops for their service in WWII.

Cotton states in a sixth season episode that he served with the U.S. Army's 77th Infantry Division.

He has a number of war trophies that can be seen in various episodes, including a Prussian Pickelhaube which he sometimes used to cut Hank's hair in an even bowl cut during Hank's youth, and a Nazi canoe which he claimed was "Hitler's canoe", though given his propensity to exaggerate his war stories, the actual origin of the canoe is uncertain.

The pride he has in his military service often colors his opinions of others; he has often expressed disdain for Hank's lack of service, and enjoys making fun of his son for being excluded due to his narrow urethra. Cotton also has a tendency to over exaggerate his service in the war. For example, in the episode Cotton's Plot he stated he killed Nazzys in Munich on April 12 and Tojos on April 13 in Okinowa.

He also has expressed dislike for veterans of the Vietnam War, as he blames them to some degree for losing it - though he eventually accords them a measure of respect for trying their best.

"Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose. It ain't your fault. You gave it everything you had - that's all I ever asked of my men. Thanks for trying, soldier... As commanding officer of the local VFW post, I would be honored to have you fellas join our organization..." -Cotton Hill, to Hank & Vietnam Vet group

It is unknown if he actually ever served in Europe, considering the 77th served in the Pacific Theater.

Solomon Islands Cotton was ordered to retake an airfield on the Solomon Islands. His unit was pinned down by a Japanese machine gun nest high up in a hill. So he snuck into a fifty-five gallon of sake. He held his breath until the Japanese got good and drunk, and then he jumped out and spit it all out into his sabot (lighter). He "hibachi'd" the whole squad. (Cotton's Plot)

Guadalcanal In the episode Yankee Hanky, Cotton references that he and Stinky were on Guadalcanal, and it rained for 17 days.

Anzio On January 30, 1944, Cotton's unit attacked Anzio. They had "caught the Krauts with their pants down and their schnitzel exposed." They had taken the beach by noon, and the town by nightfall.

Normandy Cotton said that he climbed the cliffs of Normandy with a fifty pound ice cream maker on his back. (Cotton's Plot)

Saipan Cotton said that he led a platoon of men through the jungles of Sai Pan. (When Cotton Comes Marching Home)

Guam In 1944, in Guam, Cotton crawled through a minefield to retrieve General MacArthur's corn cob pipe. (Cotton's Plot)

Philippines Cotton said that he served in the Philippines. (Unfortunate Son)

Iwo Jima Cotton spent two weeks under a pile of bodies on Iwo Jima (Revenge of the Lutefisk). He and Topsy show a bayonet technique Topsy used to gut a kamikazee(Unfortunate Son).

Munich Cotton claimed to have fought on Munich on April 30, 1945, and probably longer, but later realized he didn't. (Cotton's Plot])

Okinawa On May 2, 1945, on Okinawa, Cotton invented a bayonet technique that is still used by the army today. (Cotton's Plot])

P.O.W. Camp Cotton was captured at an unknown time by the Japanese, and put in a bamboo rat cage. He had to eat rats, but let the last one live so he could eat its droppings. He called it "Jungle Rice", and said it "tasted fine". By September, he was skinny enough to slip through the bars, and strangled the guard with a string made of braided rat tails, and ran to safety. (Cotton's Plot) He had also learned to stop his heartbeat, so the Japanese would stop torturing him for a moment, probably at the P.O.W. camp (Death Picks Cotton), and claimed that he only cried when the Japanese tore off his fingernails. (Returrning Japanese)

Miscellaneous Cotton severed the windpipe of a German corporal with a two foot strand of dental floss he kept in his boot. (The Final Shinsuit) He survived on a life raft by trapping rain water in his upturned eyelid. (Cotton's Plot)