The Last Goon Show of All - Plot

Plot

Andrew Timothy takes us to the Westminster City Council Rubbish Dump, situated in Hyde Park, where Hercules Grytpype-Thynne and Count Jim Moriarty, more ragged than ever, are starving. The Council has just dumped a huge amount of lagging, because "it was in feet and inches, and we have gone metric". Secombe, now in character as Neddie Seagoon, arrives "driving an unlicensed Goon Show with CD plates on". Gritpype's comment is "Yes, it does look a bit seedy, doesn't it." The two villains then attempt their usual swindle of Neddie, in this case convincing him that his legs must be lagged to keep them warm for the coming winter, the payment being his "war gratuity" of one hundred pounds.

However when Seagoon lifts his trouser leg, it is revealed that Bluebottle has been hiding inside, and is threatening to release pictures of Neddie's bloomers unless he is given money he will use to impress his schoolyard paramour, Mollie Quotts. Bereft of all cash, Seagoon decides to head for Blackpool to earn some money doing his old stage act, the "shaving routine" which was Secombe's own stock-in-trade.

Seagoon fades away, Andrew Timothy dismissing him with "Mr. Secombe's departure is a timely one. Any departure of his is timely." Timothy then introduces Max Geldray as follows: "Just before this show started, Mr. Max Geldray died. His wife described his condition as: satisfactory." Geldray then plays "The Carioca" with the orchestra.

After the interlude Andrew Timothy announces that "Seagoon is hauling his huge bloated Welsh body up the M1 to Blackpool, and all lanes are blocked." The show moves to the home of Henry Crun and Minnie Bannister for a typical exchange between the two old fossils, with no consequence to the plot other than to link to the entrance of Major Bloodnok, pursued by the Red Bladder, played as always by Ray Ellington. After an exchange of empty threats with the Bladder, Bloodnok is told by his aide, Singhiz Thing, that it is time for his "perversion". There follows an interlude of bizarre and suggestive sound effects overlaid with ecstatic yelps from Bloodnok, although this could be more of a satire on the kind of lascivious roles Peter Sellers played in several of his films up to that point. Bloodnok then sends Seagoon to the cellar to rest, this serving to re-introduce Eccles to the audience.

Eccles has been in the cellar since he delivered coal and forgot to let go of the sack. He has been eating coke to survive and letting his nephew, Little Jim, live in his boot. Possibly the highlight of the show, the encounter of Seagoon and Eccles produces what may be the quintessential Eccles quote:

Seagoon: What are you doing down here?

Eccles: Everybody's got to be somewhere!

The philosophical appeal of this was not lost on the audience, who responded with slow-building but long-lasting laughter.

Neddie eventually falls asleep, setting the stage for Bluebottle to re-emerge from his bloomers and thus begin a conversation with Eccles, usually another high-point in a Goon Show. This section ends with Bluebottle persuading Eccles to help him push Seagoon down a well, which naturally leads to Little Jim's catchphrase "He's fallen in the water!" During the subsequent audience applause, Milligan shouts "Had to get it in, folks! Had to get it in!"

Bloodnok reappears, pursued by the Red Bladder, but mysteriously transforms into Grytpype-Thynne, who announces to Neddie that "we have found Goon Show number 1-6-3, in which you play the lead all the way through as an underfloor heating detective". Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, this line falls victim to one of Sellers' "fluffs", for which he was notorious, followed by an attack of giggling, another one of his trademarks. After some asides by his castmates, he delivers the line, which plays into a risqué reference to former Goon Michael Bentine. Neddie is then nailed under floorboards for his role, and left there for some months.

In fact he is under the floor of a dressing-room at the Palace Theatre, Blackpool, and this room is given to Bluebottle to prepare for his appearance with "Capt. Goatcabin's Balancing Stallions". He hears Neddie's cries for help, then sees his belly through a knot-hole. The show ends with him poking Neddie in the stomach, as a cacophony of pre-recorded lines from previous parts of the show rise up, followed by a recording of an explosion, a common end to a Goon Show plot.

Andrew Timothy finishes the show with "The next Goon Show will be on July 7th, 1982. And from Goon Show number 167, farewell. P.S.: Forever." The orchestra plays the signature tune, as Andrew Timothy announces the credits, then moves into "Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead", the traditional play-out for the show.

In the full recording broadcast on BBC 7, the cast are then heard saying their thank-you's to the audience, with Milligan coming close to abusing them, again something for which he was known in the years after the Goon Show. There follow some minutes of silence after this, then a dirty limerick can be heard, recited by Sellers and accompanied by laughter from Secombe and Milligan.