Table of Contents
The first page of each issue lists all the articles to follow, including their "Department" headings, which are plays on words. For example, a parody of a pizza chain's menu appeared under "The Passion of the Crust Department," while an article entitled "William Shakespeare, Sports Commentator" was part of "The Play-By-Play's the Thing Department." Long-running features had equally long-running headers: Spy vs. Spy is filed under the "Joke and Dagger Department," Dave Berg's "Lighter Side of..." always ran within the "Berg's Eye View Department," and many of Frank Jacobs' articles come under the "Frank on a Roll Department." Don Martin's crazy cartoons were simply labelled "Don Martin Department," with further fanfare presumably being unnecessary. Dick DeBartolo's articles occasionally are headed under the "Dick DePartment", while some of Duck Edwing's articles were labeled as the "Tales from The Duck Side" Dept. Most of the magazine's other recurring features have had their own continuing "Department."
Each Table of Contents cites one article that does not actually exist. Examples of these imaginary listings have included "Santa Claus, Porn Star"; "What if Cap'n Crunch Was Brought Before a Military Tribunal?"; "If Bobby Knight Coached the Special Olympics"; "Only the Assistant Undersecretary of Transportation Would Possibly Believe..."; and "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions During the Bombing of Belgrade." In one instance, the fake title listed, "If Chickens Could Time Travel," showed up as a genuine article in the next issue.
Each Table of Contents also includes a quote or aphorism attributed to Alfred E. Neuman. With a handful of exceptions, this is the only time the character ever "speaks."
Read more about this topic: Recurring Features In Mad (magazine)
Famous quotes containing the words table and/or contents:
“The best thing about Sassy Seats is that grandmothers cannot figure out how they work and are in constant fear of the child’s falling. This often makes them forget to comment on other aspects of the child’s development, like why he is not yet talking or is still wearing diapers. Some grandmothers will spend an entire meal peering beneath the table and saying, “Is that thing steady?” rather than, “Have you had a doctor look at that left hand?””
—Anna Quindlen (20th century)
“Yet to speak of the whole world as metaphor
Is still to stick to the contents of the mind
And the desire to believe in a metaphor.
It is to stick to the nicer knowledge of
Belief, that what it believes in is not true.”
—Wallace Stevens (1879–1955)