Never Give A Sucker An Even Break - Summary

Summary

The film is presented as though it were a "real life" story, with Fields, Pangborn, and Gloria Jean playing under their real names. Early in the film, Fields is seen admiring a billboard advertising his previous film, The Bank Dick, and encounters various hecklers and minor calamities. His doting niece, Gloria Jean, is on her way to rehearse some songs at the studio of Esoteric Pictures, where she demonstrates her classically trained soprano. Meanwhile, Fields is on his way to the same studio, to read a script to Pangborn. He says his own name on-screen as he introduces himself to the receptionist: "I'm W.C., uh, Bill Fields."

He and Pangborn plow through the script, which comes to life in a series of surreal scenes. Fields and Gloria Jean are flying to an exotic location (originally scripted as Mexico but changed to an unnamed locale during editing), on an airplane whose interior is more like a train, with upper and lower sleeping berths and an open-air rear platform. Fields has run-ins with a couple of eccentric characters, featuring a remake of a scene from The Old Fashioned Way, in which he tangles with a large, angry man in the lower berth and manages to hit him with a mallet and convince him that someone else did it. At one point Gloria Jean asks Uncle Bill why he never married, and he answers, "I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for."

Fields jumps out of the plane after his flask falls out the open window, and his niece cries out in horror. But he lands safely in a "nest" high atop a cliff, a home populated by a cynical old woman (Margaret Dumont) and her naive daughter (Susan Miller). Meanwhile, the plane lands, and Gloria Jean sings a traditional Russian song to a group of peasants. She reunites with Fields in the village, and they return to the "nest" when Fields learns the older woman is wealthy. Fields is about to marry her when Gloria Jean takes him aside and convinces him that this is a bad idea, and they make a swift exit.

At this point Pangborn has had enough of this crazy script and tells Fields to leave the studio. Fields goes to an ice cream parlor to drown his sorrows. In a rare aside to the camera, Fields remarks, "This was supposed to be a saloon, but the censor cut it out!"

When Gloria Jean learns Fields has been sent away, she tells the flustered Pangborn that if her uncle is fired, then she quits. She and Fields make plans to travel, and she goes into a shop to buy some new clothes. Fields is illegally parked and had also banged into the bumper of a police car. Just then, a middle-aged woman (Kay Deslys) asks for help getting to the Maternity Hospital, where her daughter is about to give birth. Fields volunteers, the woman gets into his car, and Fields speeds through the streets and expressways of Los Angeles, where he tangles with pedestrians, cars, and a hook-and-ladder fire truck. When his passenger passes out, Fields drives even more urgently. He arrives at the hospital, wrecking his car in the process, and his passenger is shaken but unhurt. Gloria Jean, who has just arrived by taxi, asks Uncle Bill if he's all right. He replies, "Good thing I didn't have an accident. I'd never have gotten here." The final shot is a closeup of Gloria Jean, who smiles and says to the camera, "My Uncle Bill... but I still love him!"