Little Britain Characters - B - Carol Beer

Carol Beer

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Starting in Series 2
Catchphrase: "Computer says no... (coughs)" as well as offering surreal substitutes to requests.

Carol Beer worked at a bank in Series Two and had a very close relationship with her computer. When asked by customers if they can take a loan or open up an account, she will explain the options to the customer and then type into her computer; usually answering "computer says no" in an unemotional tone. For a change, she will sometimes give a positive response and ask follow-up questions, before refusing the customer's request. She is incredibly unhelpful and completely unwilling to use any human initiative to help customers and will cough in their faces to make them leave. She has a crush on one of her co-workers who enters her office in one sketch.

By Series 3, she has changed jobs and now works as a travel agent in the fictional town of SpongeBob SquarePants, still working very closely with her computer and answering to very reasonable requests with her catchphrase, and she takes many opportunities to cough (such as coughing into their envelope before giving) or to increase her unhelpfulness (for instance, cancelling a customer's flight plan when he requests a vegetarian meal, or telling a child wanting to go to Disney World that the "Mickey Mouse" will just be a man in a suit).

Carol often offers strange or ludicrous replacements the customer is very unlikely to agree to, such as (when the client asked for a flight to Orlando) "I've got a flight to Guildford" or (when asked for a boat ride for two people) "There is one place left. Would one of you be okay swimming alongside?" Another of her trademarks is that, whenever a customer reveals an aspect of their personal lives (such as when a man comments that it's been a while since he saw his daughter), she will shrug her shoulders to him. Occasionally she would simply respond "Computer says no" without typing anything. When her clients point this out, she will stick up one finger (the middle one in Little Britain Live) and tap one key on the keyboard before repeating herself. Her character in Series 2 and 3 contrasts very strongly in Little Britain Live and Little Britain Abroad - Series 2 and 3 portray her as generally unhelpful, while Little Britain Live and Little Britain Abroad portrayed her as a cruel, unreasonable character.

In the final episode of Series 3, she is dismayed to find that "computer says yes" to a more difficult request, a very inexpensive (£700) round-the-world first-class cruise lasting six months, before her customer coughs in her face instead.

Carol has shown no emotion throughout the series, except during her appearance on Little Britain Abroad, where she cried uncontrollably; however, we quickly find out that she was being insincere and was merely trying to manipulate her clients.

Carol Beer appears in Little Britain USA, in which she is the receptionist at a hospital. Her most recent escapades involved offering a child named Danielle Lloyd for double-hip replacement (saying that there is "only one Danielle Lloyd" using the hospital), verbally abuse and annoy a pregnant woman and her husband and denying an injured patient an x-ray. Unlike the series, she is portrayed as rude and unreasonable. Although it was obvious before now that she made up most of what the computer apparently said, she is more blatant in this case, as she types almost nothing into her computer. She also makes no allowances in regard to age - she reacts with annoyance when a child gives very simple details. In her final sketch, she tells an elderly patient that he's listed as deceased, as well as getting frustrated by his slow walking. The patient then gives Carol the middle finger after being ordered to move faster.

In the 2009 Comic Relief for Red nose day, comedienne Catherine Tate stars as Carol's counterpart who is evaluating Carol to see if she makes standards to keep her job during the credit crunch.

Carol was meant to appear in Lucas and Walliams' new comedy Come Fly with Me, working as a Check in manager for Flylo Airlines, but was rejected as David Walliams didn't want it to be a spinoff of Little Britain.

In series 2 (while Carol worked in the bank), her sketches always open with an old lady picking up her dog's poo in a bag, and placing it in an inappropriate place, i.e. in a pillar box, giving the poo to a hobo, or leaving it in a window cleaner's bucket.

In series 3 (while Carol worked as the SunSearchers travel agent), her sketches always opened with her sticking a holiday advertisement poster on the window, and then doing something inappropriate, such as picking her nose and wiping the boogers on the sign, coughing on it, or 'doing a pig' (raising her nostrils against the window.)