List of X-Play Characters - "C" Characters

"C" Characters

• Adam Calrissian: A fictitious lawyer situated in the Star Wars universe, who bears a striking resemblance to the character portrayed by Billy Dee Williams. His law offices (which can be contacted by dialing 1-888-555-EWOK) specialize in helping Stormtroopers who are injured at work (past clients include TK-516 and TK-431). His motto is "Bleeding money out of the Galactic Empire and taking 18 percent off the top is my job" (NOTE: It is believed that this character is actually different from Adam's other Billy Dee impersonation, Lando Sessler).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20080917

Performed by: Adam Calrissian (Adam Sessler), TK-516 (Unknown), TK-431 (Unknown)

• Canada Man: see Morgan-San and Adam-San

• Canadian Girl: During the show's review of the game NHL 12, X-Play decided to "replace" their long-time re-occurring character Canadian Guy (aka Guy LaFleur) and his "brand of dated stereotypes" ... Of course, his replacement turned out to be a woman who dressed and talked exactly like him, right down to the Oui oui oui! catchphrase (no doubt this change was made to highlight the ability for players to make female characters in the game).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110927

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Emily Conti

• Canadian Guy: see LaFleur, Guy

• Captain: see Cobra and Mongoose

• Car from Street Fighter II: A character cut from the official MvC3 roster, it was "ready to settle the score and deliver own beatdown ... after years of being punched and kicked by a bunch of brain dead thugs." Its argument for being included in the fighting game was that "cars kill more people then guns or stupid hadoukens."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20110216

Performed by: Unknown

• "Anthony Carmine": see Carmine, Dietrich

• "Ben Carmine": see Carmine, Dietrich

• Dietrich Carmine: A non-canonical member of the Carmine family portrayed in the Gears of War series, who is trying to buy a life insurance policy for himself before going off to battle. However, the salesman (Ryan Jeffries) refuses to cover him, listing a long line of other Carmines who came in before him and then were almost immediately killed after signing up (like Sherman Carmine who burned up looking for his car keys in a pool of emulsion). This is in reference to the Gears of War games always having a soldier named "Carmine" die during the storymode campaign. Fittingly, when Dietrich stands up to protest, a bullet whizzes through the nearby window and takes him out with a bloody headshot (NOTE: This sketch premiered at the Gears of War 3 panel at Comic-Con 2010 moderated by Adam Sessler).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20100726

Performed by: Dietrich Carmine (Unknown), Ryan Jeffries (Unknown), "Anthony Carmine" (Unknown), "Ben Carmine" (Unknown), Jed Carmine (Unknown), Franklin Carmine (Unknown), Sherman Carmine (Unknown), Lebron Carmine (Unknown), Garrett Carmine (Unknown), Ignatius Carmine (Unknown), Janice the receptionist (Unknown)

• Franklin Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

• Garrett Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

• Ignatius Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

• Jed Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

• Lebron Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

• Sherman Carmine: see Carmine, Dietrich

• "Stanley Carter": see "Sin-Eater"

• Cat-Morgan and Embarrass-Man: Morgan and Adam's superhero alter egos ... Morgan's outfit resembles Catwoman, while Adam's costume is a more flamboyant version of Robin's.

First Appearance: Episode No. 281

Performed by: Morgan Webb and Adam Sessler

• Chainsword: see Warhammer Chainsaw Sword

• "Hugo Chávez": The power-mad Venezuelan president makes a visit to the X-Play offices, where (among other things) he gets kneed in the groin by Morgan.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6106

Performed by: X-Play production assistant Eric Acasio

• Child-Bot 3000: see Automatic Review Robot 3000

• "Claudius": see "Hamlet"

• The Cliff Bleszinski 4.0: It was "revealed" during an X-Play comedy skit that the original game designer was gunned down by a gang of vicious cyberpunks over a decade ago, and that the founders of Epic Games decided to rebuild him as a titanium-based cyborg. The model has gone through a series of upgrades over the years (they were not thrilled with the addition of frosted tips), but the latest version - 4.0 - has been described as "near perfect" (although director of production Rod Fergusson does carry around a "kill switch" because he's afraid of getting his arm ripped off).

First Appearance: Episode No. 20111010

Performed by: Cliff Bleszinski

• Cobra and Mongoose: Flash-like cartoon characters (purposely animated in a haphazard and seemingly rushed manner) who spoof various action movies like Top Gun, Days of Thunder, and The Hunt for Red October. Cobra is the stereotypical hot-shot renegade, who plays by his own rules (never following the orders of his commanding officer Captain) and is depicted as the pinnacle of manliness (he will often get a different person pregnant during each skit, including Mongoose's girlfriend Susie and a shark). Mongoose is at the other end of the spectrum, the perennial second banana who winds up dying at the end of every segment for "dramatic effect" (leaving Cobra to mournfully yell out "Mongooooose!").

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: Cobra (voice of Paul Bonanno), Mongoose (voice of Michael Leffler), Captain (Unknown), Susie (Unknown)

• "Cole Train": A parody of the video-game character Augustus Cole from Gears of War, who stars in a commercial for the breakfast cereal Grains of War. The cereal is made from "whole wheat, powdered bullet casings and slaughterhouse runoff", and the commercial's tagline is "It'll curb-stomp that appetite!"

First Appearance: Episode No. 20081204

Performed by: Lester Speight

• Don Colorado: X-Play's Latin American correspondent, and host of the show Don Colorado and the Mas Sexy Adventures in Gameland; he believes himself to be an expert in video games as well as the "teaching of love-making to the many virgin nerds."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090223

Performed by: Unknown

• Communist Adam and Morgan: When the rigors of capitalism became too much for the X-Play hosts to bear, they turned to the memory of mother Russia for guidance.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6016

Performed by: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb

• Conspiracy Guy: The host of X-Play's Conspiracy Theory of the Week, this ski mask-clad fellow is about as paranoid as one can get, spouting off theories on everything from Bigfoot to the JFK assassination.

First Appearance: N/A

Performed by: X-Play series producer Karsten Bondy

• James Cooper: see X-Play COPS

• The X-Play COPS: A parody of the popular television show, where a pair of police officers interact with a number of video-game characters, including Kratos, Princess Zelda, Mario, and Niko Bellic. There have been several different "cops" portrayed in these skits, from Sargent Rando and Officer Sykes in the 2006 Valentine's Day special, to a pair of unnamed officers in the 2006 Halloween episode, to Sgt. Rando re-appearing with a new partner (Officer Hicks) in a special Liberty City edition of X-Play COPS during the GTA IV special, to Officer James Cooper of the Mushroom Kingdom PD and a new Sykes (this time played by Michael Leffler) appearing during the review of Mario Kart Wii.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6014

Performed by: Sgt. Tad Rando (Paul Bonanno), Officer Sykes (Robert Manuel/Michael Leffler), Unnamed Cop #1 (Mike Benson), Unnamed Cop #2 (Brendan Hermes), Officer Hicks (Michael Leffler), Officer James Cooper (Unknown)

• "Bill Cosby": A self-described "bad Bill Cosby impersonator" who provides voice acting for games such as The Lord of the Rings: Conquest and Street Fighter IV, mainly by throwing in references to Jell-O Pudding Pops, Picture Pages, Leonard Part 6, and Fat Albert cartoons while chuckling to himself.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090121

Performed by: voice of X-Play associate producer Michael Leffler

• Crazy Adam: see Trampleton, Crazy Adam

• The X-Play Creature: see Sat'an

• "Lara Croft": see Stark, Mario

• "Aleister Crowley": see "Fear and Loathing" Adam and Morgan

• "Cupid": An obese, diaper-clad, jive-talking God of Love who vehemently tries to convince Adam and Morgan to give love a chance. He ultimately fails to do this, becoming depressed by Adam and Morgan's hopelessly lonely and negative attitudes.

First Appearance: Episode No. 6014

Performed by: X-Play head writer Guy Branum

• "Edward Cullen": A parody of the vampire character from the "Twilight" movies, who appeared in the fictitious movie trailer Twilight: Modern Warfare 2. Alongside his werewolf partner "Jacob Black", the two heroes (codenamed Sparkle and Moonbeam respectively) find themselves in the Kandahar province of Afghanistan fighting as squadmates alongside "Soap" and "Roach" from the popular shooter, mainly because "Activision needed to figure out a way to sell Call of Duty to 13-year-old girls and middle-aged women."

First Appearance: Episode No. 20100111

Performed by: "Edward Cullen" (Unknown), "Jacob Black" (Unknown), "Sergeant Gary 'Roach' Sanderson" (Michael Leffler), "Captain John 'Soap' MacTavish" (Unknown)

• "Curley": see "George" and "Lennie"

• "Curley's Wife": see "George" and "Lennie"

• Curt: see Doyle

• Cyborg Pirate: The leader of a group of video-game villains - Diver (in full scuba gear), Ninja (not to be confused with That Ninja because of his neon-green costume), Zombie (who makes it clear that he is "undead" rather than "infected"), and "Cloud Strife" - who plot to take over the 2009 Game Developers Conference ... However, people find it hard to take them seriously when their "secret lair" is a booth at the local Wendy's.

First Appearance: Episode No. 20090325

Performed by: Cyborg Pirate (Unknown), Diver (Unknown), Ninja (Unknown), Zombie (Unknown), "Cloud Strife" (Unknown)