Harriet Arbuthnot - Relationship With Wellington

Relationship With Wellington

It is likely that Arbuthnot first came to the attention of Wellington during 1814 in the re-opened salons of Paris following the exile of Napoleon to Elba. Wellington had been appointed the British Ambassador to the Court of the Tuileries, and the city was crowded with English visitors anxious to travel on the continent and socialise after the Napoleonic Wars.

Amongst those sampling the rounds of entertainment in this lively environment were the newly married Arbuthnots. Charles Arbuthnot was known to Wellington, as he had been a strong supporter of Wellington's younger brother Henry during his divorce, and it is possible Wellington had met, or at least heard of, Mrs Arbuthnot—she was a first cousin to his favourites the Burghersh family. However, it was only after the death of Castlereagh in 1822 that the Wellington–Arbuthnot friendship blossomed. It is unlikely any close friendship developed before this time. Wellington, ensconced in the Hotel de Charost (recently vacated by Napoleon's sister Princess Pauline Borghese) and fêted by the whole of Restoration Paris, had already found himself a close female companion, Giuseppina Grassini. This woman, known, due to her close friendship with Napoleon as "La Chanteuse de l'Empereur", scandalised Parisian society both English and French by appearing on Wellington's arm, especially after the arrival in Paris of the Duchess of Wellington.

The story of a "ménage à trois" between Mrs Arbuthnot, her husband Charles, and Wellington, widely speculated upon, has been rejected by some biographers. However, it has been said that the unhappily married Duke enjoyed his relationship with Mrs Arbuthnot because he found in her company "the comfort and happiness his wife could not give him." Arbuthnot was certainly the Duke's confidante in all matters, especially that of his marriage. He confided to her that he only married his wife because "they asked me to do it" and that he was "not the least in love with her." In fact, Wellington had not seen his wife for ten years before their wedding day. Following the marriage, the bride and groom found they had little if anything in common. Despite producing two sons, they led mostly separate lives until the death of the Duchess of Wellington in 1831.

As a consequence of his unsatisfactory marriage, Wellington formed relationships with other women, but it was for Arbuthnot that "he reserved his deepest affection." Her husband at this time was working at The Treasury and Arbuthnot in effect became what would today be termed Wellington's social secretary during his first term of premiership between January 1828 and November 1830. It has been suggested that the Duke of Wellington allowed her "almost unrestricted access to the secrets of the cabinet". Whatever her knowledge and access, however, it appears she was unable to influence the Duke, but even his refusal to bring her husband into the Cabinet in January 1828 failed to shake the intimacy of the trio.

Wellington made no attempts to conceal his friendship with Arbuthnot. An indication that their relationship was platonic and accepted as such in the highest echelons of society can be drawn from the Duchess of Kent permitting Wellington to present Arbuthnot to her infant daughter, the future Queen Victoria, in 1828. Arbuthnot noted that the young princess was "....the most charming child I ever saw" and that "the Duchess of Kent is a very sensible person, who educates her (Victoria) remarkably well." Arbuthnot's impressions of the Duchess were less than candid, and not shared by Wellington and other establishment figures. However, had Arbuthnot's own character not been judged respectable an audience with the infant princess would not have been permitted.

Many references in Arbuthnot's diary, however, are less respectful than those she accorded to the Duchess of Kent. Wellington and Arbuthnot often travelled together, and a visit to Blenheim Palace they shared in 1824 provoked a scathing entry in her journal concerning Wellington's fellow duke the 5th Duke of Marlborough, of whom she wrote: "The family of the great General is, however, gone sadly to decay, and are but a disgrace to the illustrious name of Churchill, which they have chosen this moment to resume. The present Duke is overloaded with debt, is very little better than a common swindler...."

When Wellington and the Tories fell from power in November 1830, Arbuthnot lost interest in her diary, writing: "I shall write very seldom now, I dare say, in my book, for, except the Duke, none of the public men interest me." Her account of the break-up of the Tory party is a thoroughly partisan narration, accurate as to happenings outside the Tory inner circle, but on a broader scale and not so completely political as that of Henry Hobhouse.