Guyball - Advanced Rules

Advanced Rules

The detailed rules of Guyball appear to depend on the variation being played. A "classic three-person variation of the game", in which two people chase the wearer of the toppmeiler, is described by Guy to his colleague Dr Martin Dear (as Martin wears an improvised toppmeiler made of a wicker bin sellotaped to his head) as follows:

Don't leave the parish, all right? If you reach the maison, put your left arm in the air and shout 'Maison!'. There are no burrow tactics and there are no hedgehogs, OK? I won the toss so stickles are random and it's a two-bounce ubique. Right. Go! Move! —

One might also play with orthodox or alternate stickles and a four-bounce ubique ( /ˈuːbɪkweɪ/), though this tends to be in matches in which the two sides have an equal number of players, all of whom wear toppmeilers. Positions in which Guyball players may find themselves include:

• The Emmental loop, in which one has a cleft mitten showing whilst one crouches to attack one's opponent.
• The classical heist, an attack in which one is standing with one's foot on the opponent's jaw and one's toppmeiler is empty.
• The fat chalet, similar to the classical heist but for the latter one's toppmeiler is geometrically loaded, that is, contains a large six-sided die.

It is unknown who the reigning world Guyball champion is as of 2006, though Guy is still an active player and taught Guyball to some local children as part of his community service. He has claimed that if he had twelve children himself he would teach Guyball to all of them. According to The Complete First Series Scripts, a player can also be sent off for "Illegal use of the hefty fondue." This happened between Guy Secretan and Markus Geissler, during a match at the Secretanstadt, Lausanne. Guy won 12:3.

Whilst no guide to the rules has been officially published, there is a guide called The Guyball Rule Book that can be seen being read by Green Wing's writers on the Green Wing Special DVD.