The Candidates and Their Vote Totals
The sketch focuses on election results from the following three constituencies:
| Party | Candidate | Votes | % | Swing | |||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Leicester | |||||||
| Sensible Party | Arthur J. Smith | 30,612 | 48.8% | Defeat | |||
| Silly Party | Jethro Q. Walrustitty | 32,108 | 51.2% | Hold | |||
| Total valid votes | 62,720 | 100.0% | |||||
| Luton | |||||||
| Sensible Party | Alan Jones | 9,112 | 42.2% | Loss | |||
| Silly Party | Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel | 12,441 | 57.7% | Gain | |||
| Slightly Silly Party | Kevin Phillips-Bong | 0 | 0.0% | Pathetic Defeat | |||
| Total valid votes | 21,553 | 100.0% | |||||
| Harpenden | |||||||
| Sensible Party | James Walker | 26,318 | 50.0% | Gain | |||
| Silly Party | Mr Elsie Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzip | 26,317 | 50.0% | Loss | |||
| Very Silly (Independent) | Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeaker) Featherstone Smith (whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, then 'whoop') Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) 'We'll keep a welcome in the' (three shots) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeaker) Tiger-drawers Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat (sings) 'Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mainwaring (hoot, 'whoop') Smith | 2 | 0.0% | Spoiler | |||
| Total valid votes | 52,637 | 100.0% | |||||
At the end of the sketch, further results are given in short:
- Engelbert Humperdinck gains Barrow in Furness from Ann Haydon-Jones and her husband Pip.
- Arthur Negus has held Bristols. "That's not a result, that's a bit of gossip". (Bristols is rhyming slang for 'breasts': Bristol City = titty.)
- Mary Whitehouse taking Umbrage (in reaction to the previous "held Bristols").
- Wales isn't swinging at all, which is "no surprise"
- Monty Python holds the Credits.
Read more about this topic: Election Night Special
Famous quotes containing the words candidates, vote and/or totals:
“The idea that you can merchandise candidates for high office like breakfast cereal—that you can gather votes like box tops—is, I think, the ultimate indignity to the democratic process.”
—Adlai Stevenson (1900–1965)
“There is but little virtue in the action of masses of men. When the majority shall at length vote for the abolition of slavery, it will be because they are indifferent to slavery, or because there is but little slavery left to be abolished by their vote. They will then be the only slaves. Only his vote can hasten the abolition of slavery who asserts his own freedom by his vote.”
—Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862)
“Living is like working out a long addition sum, and if you make a mistake in the first two totals you will never find the right answer. It means involving oneself in a complicated chain of circumstances.”
—Cesare Pavese (1908–1950)