Plot
Vanessa Lemor, a lonely 13-year old Yup’ik (Western Eskimo) girl with a vivid imagination, is dumped by her true love, über intellectual Philip Georgey, 14. Vanessa spends the summer in Fairbanks, Alaska, working at an ice cream shack and obsessing over the heartbreaking tragedy. After numerous unsuccessful attempts at erasing fond memories, she resolves to win Philip back at Nichols Academy (named after Yoonessi's alma mater, Nichols School), a close-minded preparatory school where the Georgey family is legendary.
Awarded the only minority scholarship, Vanessa’s new life is a nightmare. Back from the summer abroad and fluent in French, Philip is elevated to popular status, while Vanessa is relegated to the bottom of the prep school caste system with the rest of the FUBARs. Rounding out the rest of the FUBARs are Hercules, a loveable, but socially inept boy with wildly overprotective parents, Samantha, a 14-year old who claims her father is a rapper, and Nothing (formally known as Madeline), whose family owns a funeral parlor. Vanessa’s consolation prize is Philip’s decision to honor Vanessa by being her student advisor. Philip, wishing the best for his pupil, reinstates the values that once brought them together – the pursuit of individuality and embracement of a social consciousness: an alternative lifestyle for a better world. Unfortunately, Vanessa misinterprets his preaching, and alienates herself by presenting an anarchist essay at the opening school ceremony. To make matters worse, she is the only freshman captain selected for the school’s infamous Snowstorm Survivor competition, an event inspired by the Native events in the World Eskimo Indian Olympics.
Vanessa believes that a victory in the Snowstorm Survivor championship is the only way into Philip’s heart. She quickly forms a quirky team with her fan base in the weight room. Team FUBAR prepares for the event, driven by Vanessa’s plight for her true love. Unlike the Native Olympics that brings together people of all sizes and shapes to celebrate Native Alaskan culture, Nichols’ Snowstorm Survivor simply perverts the traditional Eskimo games in order to foster an antiquated class system.
After the tragic loss of a beloved teammate, Vanessa discovers the true meaning of love and must embrace her Native heritage to reclaim the spirit of the World Eskimo Indian Olympics.
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—Franz Grillparzer (17911872)
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—E.M. (Edward Morgan)
“Ends in themselves, my letters plot no change;
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—Philip Larkin (19221986)