Original Broadway Cast
- Rita Marlowe - Jayne Mansfield
- A masseur - Lew Gallo
- George MacCauley - Orson Bean
- Michael Freeman - Walter Matthau
- Irving LaSalle - Martin Gabel
- Harry Kaye - Harry Clark
- A secretary - Carol Grace
- Bronk Brannigan - William Thourlby
- A bellman - David Sheiner
- A swimmer - Tina Louise
- A chauffeur - Michael Tolan
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—Fran Lebowitz (b. 1951)
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“There may sometimes be ungenerous attempts to keep a young man down; and they will succeed too, if he allows his mind to be diverted from its true channel to brood over the attempted injury. Cast about, and see if this feeling has not injured every person you have ever known to fall into it.”
—Abraham Lincoln (1809–1865)