Top Gear (series 3)

Main review: Jeremy travels to Detroit where he reviews the heavily-anticipated Ford GT. Jeremy relates his fond memories for the old 1960s Ford GT40 and looks at the GT against all its competitors. He reports that it handles like a Lotus Elise, goes faster than a Ferrari 360 Modena, sounds better than a Honda NSX, and shocks like a Lamborghini Murciélago. It is also considerably cheaper than the Ferrari and the Lamborghini with which it competes. For him it is a nostalgic evocation of 1960s Detroit and American muscle cars racing between the lights.

Review: James reviews the new BMW 5 Series. He defends the aggressive and cacophonous styling by Chris Bangle, arguing that it is still a no-brainer because of reliability, technology, and image.

Preview: Richard showcases Ford Visos concept car - a thoroughly modern concept car - in the studio.

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: Singer Martin Kemp, comparisons between him and Ross Kemp discussed: both on EastEnders, both moved to ITV, both like Porsche 911s, both called Kemp and both set a time of 1:54.0 on wet tracks.

Challenge: One lap of the M25 in diesel and petrol versions of Volkswagen Lupo in convoy. Jeremy likes the Lupo, and the midrange power available from the small turbodiesel engine makes it more useful in everyday situations than the numerically faster petrol motor. He found the diesel managed an economy of 75 mpg, vs 42 mpg for the petrol car, and spends the money he saved on fuel buying a tacky golden cock from the service station.

Mail: Jeremy and Richard discuss readers' letters, starting with the baffling phenomenon of women writing to complain about their male partners' love of cars and Top Gear, which leads into Richard showing off some remote-locking triggering "moves" and Jeremy (successfully) testing the strange notion that transmission distance is improved if you hold the key fob against your head. The segment ends with a letter from a viewer in Saudi Arabia, who has included a VCD of some wild driving from his part of the world.

Review: Richard reviews the new Porsche 911 GT3, he and Jeremy say that due to its speed it is the best car they've driven all year. The Stig did a lap of 1:27.2 on a very wet track.

Skit: The original (black-suited) Stig goes 109 mph (175 km/h) in a Jaguar XJS on the HMS Invincible, flying off the deck with only a glove being left behind floating on the water.

Introduction: Jeremy announces the death of the Stig and reveals the new (white suited) one.

Review: Jeremy tested the BMW M3 CSL after introducing us to the heritage of the CSL moniker in the original Batmobile. As for the new car, Jeremy said it was a magnificent car, 10 - 20% better than he expected—and he expected it to be fantastic. The Stig's time was 1:28.0 in the wet.

Main review: The team visited the Isle of Man to test old BMW sports cars, the 1970s M1, the original M3, and the second-gen M5.

Challenge: A Volvo 240 tries to jump five caravans side-by-side, yet it only manages to jump over two, crashing into the others.

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: Stephen Fry tells about the advantages of not being a taxi driver but driving a London Taxi. Jeremy points out that Stephen drives a Saab and so it is unlikely that any cycling lady would give him the car-hating look of death. Completed his lap in 1:54 in "mildly moist" weather.

Mail: As a follow-up to the previous show, Jeremy and Richard start the segment by discussing letters professing theories to the expanded range of a car security remotes when held up to one's head. The next sequence of letters comes from children who are ashamed of the cars that their parents take them to school in. Richard follows this up with a letter requesting that the Stig's name be changed as it upsets this writer's cat (also called Stig). The final theme of this week's mail is a showcase of inappropriately enormous exhaust pipes on various cars.

Road Tests: The team test three two seater convertibles on the Isle of Man: BMW Z4, Porsche Boxster and Honda S2000. As it is too hard to decide the best car, they decide by seeing which one was fastest around the track. The Stig drives the Honda to a lap time of 1:37.4, the BMW to 1:37.3, but at 1.37.0 the fastest car was the Boxster.

Main review: Bentley Continental GT. In the previous series all three presenters were clamouring for the chance to drive it, with it eventually being revealed that Jeremy won out. But he was not impressed. Though the car is good for overtaking (0-60 in 4.8 seconds) and it has an immensely high top speed of 198 mph (319 km/h), he found it to be too much of a Volkswagen and rather cramped inside. It seemed to lack character. Jeremy was forced to conclude it was a good car, but could never call it a great car.

Review: May, acknowledging that the aristocracy will never buy new Bentleys, tries to find out what they would be buying. He reviews the Subaru Legacy Outback, he says it is sturdy, comfortable, sporty and perfect for "aristocrats with children called Reginald"

Top Gear Survey Results: The results of the Top Gear automotive satisfaction survey are discussed and include the Suburu Outback placing 10th out of 137 cars. First place went to the Jaguar XJ. At the other end of the list was the VW Sharan. Also near the end were the Mercedes M-class, A-class, and C-class.

Information Film: Using a swimming pool, Hammond showed the dangers of being in a car that is sinking in water; he demonstrated that you should open the car doors as soon as it strikes the water, rather than waiting for the car to fill with water and the pressure to equalise.

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: Rob Brydon, Top Gear's first ever Welshman. Jeremy tells Brydon about his love of Marion and Geoff. Brydon came third at 1:48.6.

Cool Wall: Bentley Continental GT is cool as long as David Beckham does not own one. BMW M3 CSL is seriously uncool because of the carbon fibre roof and bought by those with "gear shift aggression strategy". The Ford GT is uncool. The Porsche 911 GT3 was sub-zero when a woman in the audience told Jeremy he would make the second date. The BMW 5 Series is seriously uncool.

Review: Jeremy reviews and compares the hot Saab 9-5 Aero to an aeroplane. On the track the Saab was powerful but conventional and, glaringly, front-wheel drive. However, the turbocharged engine had midrange potency, and the handling was very safe and predictable, if poor on a track. Thought it went in the cool section of the Cool Wall, Jeremy admitted he could not find out why dentists with Saabs have "that knowing grin" on their faces.

Challenge: The Stig drives the Saab vs a Harrier Jump Jet, the British Aerospace Sea Harrier did the lap in 31.2 seconds and the Saab did it in the slower time of 1:37.9.

Main review: Hammond tests several new Mini Coopers, finding trouble telling much difference between most of them: the BMW-official Works Cooper S, and the third-party tuned Hartge Cooper S, Digi-tec Cooper S and wild 275 bhp (205 kW) BBR Cooper S. Despite it being the most expensive and second slowest, Richard chooses the official model, favouring a warranty and more assured engineering over the small improvements in performance afforded by the others.

Documentary and Review: Due to the 40th anniversary of car company Lamborghini, Hammond and May test some classic cars. Hammond tests the 1967 Lamborghini Miura, commenting on its controversial, trend-setting styling and engine positioning; and rides in an improved 1971 SV version with its owner, musician and supercar enthusiast Jay Kay. May tests his childhood dream car, the Lamborghini Countach, finding it as fast and great-sounding as the bedroom posters suggested, but utterly terrible to drive, ride, and especially to park. Clarkson shows the Lamborghini LM002, a huge V12-engined SUV, and marvels at how much fuel it drinks and its comically poor handling. The modern Murciélago returns for a second power lap (after a wet lap in series 1), and proves the Black Stig's supposition that it would top the board with a dry track, setting a record time of 1:23.7.

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: American comedian Rich Hall improvises a country song about a Rover 25, relates his career as a storm-namer, and set a time of 1:54.

Review: Clarkson tests the new Lamborghini Gallardo. He finds the Gallardo to be a good sports car, but just a bit boring in comparison to the Murcielago, having lost some of its fire and lunacy. Stig sets a lap time of 1:25.8.

Main review: Clarkson tests the 1.3 litre Wankel Mazda RX-8 on the track, saying that despite the mixed styling it performs well and for £22,000 is good value for money. Though appearing to be a coupe, the Mazda retains small rear doors and has some of the practicality of a four-door saloon. The Stig sets a lap time of 1:31.8, being the same as the BMW M3 and the Nissan 350Z, to which Clarkson remarks that the Mazda be the better car in all ways: performance, handling, price, practicality, and comfort.

Documentary/Review: Hammond looks at several cars deemed to be good investments as future 'classic' cars. These include the Volkswagen Corrado VR6 and the Mercedes-Benz 190E 2.5-16 Cosworth.

Crock or Classic: Hammond and May decide which cars are future classics and which are crock. Lexus LS400 is crock, Ferrari F355, BMW Z1, Citroën XM, BMW 3.0 CSL, Volkswagen Corrado VR6 and Mercedes-Benz 190E 2.5-16 Cosworth are classic.

Challenge: The team set the challenge of finding the best wig for a fast drive in an open top convertible. They find that the cheaper, synthetic wigs fare better at high speed, and that optional wind deflectors are effective at keeping the wig on your head at high speed.

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: Sony BMG executive Pop Idol/X Factor judge Simon Cowell sets a new lap record of 1:47.1.

Cool Wall: Daihatsu Copen is uncool, Mazda RX-8 is cool, Nissan 350Z is uncool, Lamborghini Gallardo is uncool and BMW M3 is Seriously Uncool. Jeremy says, as he will often reiterate, that the M3 is "exclusively driven by cocks." (A point then taken back eight series later)

Review: May reviews the new Fiat Panda at St Albans and Tewin in Hertfordshire. He expresses astonishment that the Italians have made a car that is durable and well-priced. It is slow, but May considers that unimportant to the character of the car.

Challenge: How tough is a Toyota Hilux pick-up truck? Clarkson performs a number of tests on the robust vehicle including drowning, ramming into buildings and a tree, hitting it with a wrecking ball, dropping a caravan on it and setting it ablaze. The car still works afterward.

Review: Hammond looks at two cars with folding metal roofs, the Renault Mégane CC and the Peugeot 307 CC. They are fashionable and cool, but are ridiculously underpowered and heavy, sloppy to drive, and faddish in their market.

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: Sanjeev Bhaskar tells about horror stories he heard about India's roads, particularly one from Paul McGann. He sets a time of 1:51.5 despite having an ornamental tissue box in the back seat (as a tribute to Indian taxi drivers).

Review: May reviews Aston Martin V8 Vantage, saying if he could only drive one supercar for the rest of his life, it would be this one. May's review becomes a sort of history lesson, showing how the British differentiated their supercars by refusing unorthodox mid- or rear-engined configurations and keeping them with a modicum of practicality. However, at least in 1977, it was a resounding success: faster than a Ferrari Daytona, comfortable, and somewhat practical.

News: Jeremy & Richard discuss automotive themed Christmas presents including the Bumper Dumper, a Ferrari gear lever sink plunger, and a NASCAR Jeff Gordon love seat.

Main Review: Holden Monaro, sold as a Vauxhall in Britain, Australia's first contribution since the rotary washing line. Jeremy says it was a good car due to fun V8 power and handling and makes numerous remarks about Australia losing to England in the rugby world cup final. Lap time of 1:33.9 in the wet, Jeremy named the car "Loser" on the power board.

Review: Jeremy reviewed the Citroën C2, the successor to the old Citroën Saxo. He found the C2 was cheap, extremely economical, easy to drive, and perfect for environmentalists and old people. As a car on the track, the hot C2 is not very good and has a terrible flappy-paddle gearbox. But merely because of free insurance, low prices, and ease of modification, he finds that it is the darling of customisation-minded youths.

The Cool Wall: The Holden (or Vauxhall) Monaro is cool. The Peugeot 307 CC and the Renault Megane CC are also cool - but only for a moment, before they fall down to the uncool section.

Challenge: Killing A Toyota (part 2). James May places the battered but still working Toyota Hilux on top a tower block being demolished, it survives. The presenters decide not to keep brutalising it, and they make a display in the studio out of it.

Review: Clarkson reviews the new Porsche Cayenne Turbo, and tests the off-road abilities in Bovington, Dorset. It is a brilliant car from a technological standpoint; equally adept both as a sports saloon and an offroading monster. Jeremy does not care, nor does he care that it guzzles petrol, has little space inside, and costs a whopping £70,000. But he can not stand it for its looks, saying it is "less attractive than a gangrenous wound, is a monkfish among cars and has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis." Jeremy hates its looks so much that he leaves it and walks back to the studio. May agrees that it is so hideous that it should not be bought by anyone.

Review: Hammond reviews the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren in South Africa. He isn't impressed, especially by the brakes, hard ride, and interior quality. Back in the Top Gear studio, Richard and Jeremy engage in a game of Top Gear Top Trumps pitting Hammond’s experience with SLR McLaren against the Porshe Carrera GT, which Jeremy drover earlier in the year. They conclude that the Porshe is more the driver’s car, but that you’ll want the Mercedes if you are a golfer as your clubs will not fit in the Porsche.

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: Rory Bremner reads car adverts in the voices of Nelson Mandela, Julian Clary, Prince Charles and his meeting with Murray Walker. He talks about the high attrition rate of old Alfa Romeos on classic rallies. He came second at 1:47.9.

Main review: MG XPower SV, which Jeremy finds to be beautiful and with a powerful, throaty Ford Mustang V8. It is fast on the track, but poorly made, insanely expensive, and less reliable than a TVR or any foreign rivals. Richard later mocks Jeremy when he hits his head on the interior. Did a lap of 1:28.6 in the dry, better than a Porsche 911 Turbo in the wet, but was not good enough to beat any of its price-range rivals.

Challenge: Top Gear boffin burn-out! Which professor can do the best burn-out? Richard challenges Heinz Wolff, Brian Sewell and Colin Pillinger compete to find out.

Review: Clarkson, Hammond and May set off to find the best British car. Clarkson chooses the Noble M12, Hammond takes the Morgan Plus 8, and May picks the Rover 75. Clarkson manages to drive the M12 around the track, get out, and read a book (The Very Hungry Caterpillar) before Hammond crosses the line. None of them change their mind, but the audience selects the Noble as the best.

Review: Jeremy shows us how few cars can withstand the test of time, arguing that car design peaked in the '60s. He reviews a '60s Mercedes-Benz 280SL (W113) and expects to hate it, so that he can get rid of the idea of owning one. But it turns out that Mercs were built extremely well at the time, and they can be rebuilt cheaply if necessary. He recommends the buy to anyone who has an old-car fetish, like James and himself, also pointing out that it is better-made than any modern Mercedes-Benz.

Main review: Hammond compares a Nissan Micra to a Boeing 737 (BBJ-2). He claims that, at ₤9000 per hour, the jet isn't very good value, particularly since you can get a loaded Micra for about the same price.

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: Comedian Johnny Vegas who does not have a driving license, comes in 1:58.6, beating Harry Enfield and Richard Whitely who both have driving licenses.

Review: James drives a 1970s Aston Martin Lagonda, saying it is crazy and bold but in a good way. He starts to recommend it because they have depreciated to nothingness, but then realises that the cost of running it, not to mention replacing the engine and electrics when they go wrong, would be prohibitive.

Crock Or Classic Wall: Richard & James discuss which cars are future classics and which are crocks. Unlike the cool wall, strict rules govern the Crock Or Classic Wall. Three criteria they look for are rare, interesting, and beautiful. A car must be at least two of the three to be placed on the "classic" side of the board. The Mazda MX-5 is neither rare or interesting enough to be a classic. It is therefore a crock. Despite jeers from the audience, James successfully argues that the Nissan Bluebird is a future classic. Richard counters with the rare, interesting, and beautiful Peugeot 405 MI16 - a future classic. Despite Jeremy's protests from the audience, the Subaru Impreza turbo ends up in the "crock" category. The Ford Fiesta RS1800 is mentioned, but before an argument can be made, Jeremy walks out of the audience and immediately places it onto the "classic" side of the board. This prompts Richard to explain that Jeremy is obviously trying to ingratiate himself to the Ford Motor Company in the hopes of moving up the shortlist for the recently announced GT40. Richard moves the Fiesta over to the "crock" side of the board.

Preview: Jeremy showcases the new Aston Martin DB9 in the studio. He offers that it is an exception to his earlier claim that car design peaked in the '60s. Unfortunately, because it is a pre-preduction model, they can't drive it.

Review: Audi TT V6, for which Jeremy spends three hours dressing. The styling is perfect for the fashion-obsessed male, but it is not quick enough to keep you from being late. He says it is very similar to the old one, which he did not like. Some praise is reserved for the clever gearbox, but it isn't enough to save the TT. Lap time of 1:32.7.

Challenge: In the "Top Gear Generation Game," 5 of Richard Hammond's modern cars versus 5 of Clarkson's older cars in a 1/5 mile drag race; the old cars win 3-2. Golf GTIs and Toyota MR2s of old and new are challenged. The fabled Ford Escort RS Cosworth goes up against the new Ford Focus RS, and the Peugeot 205 GTI battles the Peugeot 206 GTI. After a tie in the first four contests, the Nissan 350Z is beaten by the twin-turbo Nissan 300ZX.

A Cut-Price Top Gear as the team claim to exhausted their entire budget for the series. To this end they introduce several short highlight reels showing the various ways the money was spent. To commemorate the occasion, James plays the theme tune on a Casio keyboard as Richard re-introduces the show.

Reviews: Jeremy drives the Chrysler Crossfire; he has severe problems with the looks, handling, power, quality, and manual gearbox. Richard and James use vivid language to explain how bad the automatic gearbox is. Jeremy is so intrigued that he vows to one day drive an automatic Crossfire.

Review: Hammond briefly drives the Smart Roadster Brabus V6 Biturbo. As a special one-off model created by gluing two three-cylinder turbocharged engines together, it has a massive price. Hammond does not recommend it, even with the improved performance, because of the shoddy gearbox.

2003 Top Gear Awards: Car of the Year goes to the Rolls Royce Phantom. Ugliest Car of the Year goes to the entire BMW range. The Most Fun Car of the Year goes to Vauxhall VX220 turbo. Enemy of the State goes to the Chief Constabul of North Wales Richard Brunstrum. The Surprise of the Year goes to the Jaguar XJ6.

Review: Concluding the Top Gear awards, James reviews the Jaguar XJ6.

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: Carol Vorderman tells about her love of Jaguars and Formula 1 and does the lap in 1:51.2 (MM as in Mildly Moist).

Main review: Hammond introduces the Honda Civic Type-R and drives the eager hot hatch until it is revealed they have enough money to introduce a relatively cheap supercar, bringing out the Honda NSX Type R, with its V6 engine tuned to make 300 bhp (220 kW). Hammond says the car is the bargain of the century, and finds it scintillating to drive on a dry track, but still too expensive for anyone to pay for a Honda. In the wet it isn't as amazing; it does a lap of 1:31.6, only slightly slower than the Porsche 996 Turbo in the same conditions, but with 100 fewer horses.

Skit: Simon Cowell accepts an award for being the fastest celebrity of the year. A cool customer, he isn't scared at all when the Stig drives him around the Top Gear test track in a Noble M12. However, since his taped acceptance speech is smug and self-satisfying, Jeremy shows the audience an outtake of Noble spinning out when Cowell is behind the wheel.

Review: Jaguar XK vs. Aston Martin DB7 (From Series 3, Episode 4)

Challenge: Indestructible Toyota Hilux (From Series 3, Episode 5)

Star In A Reasonably-Priced Car: Martin Kemp (From Series 3, Episode 1)

Review: BMW 5-Series (From Series 3, Episode 1)

Review: Porsche 996 GT3 (From Series 3, Episode 1)

Feature: The Death Of The Original Stig (From Series 3, Episode 1)

Review: Ford GT (From Series 3, Episode 1)