The Goon Show Running Jokes - Regular Plot Devices

Regular Plot Devices

• Bluebottle would often be killed, or "deaded", during the course of an episode. He would often comment on his demise, usually with his catchphrase, "You dirty rotten swines, you! You have deaded me." - or variations on same. Bluebottle, if he survived to the end of the episode, would sometimes note his escape.
• Bluebottle often proclaimed he was brave and manly, yet when called upon to do something of that ilk, would often refuse. However, he would soon change his mind when offered a paltry reward, such as in "The Hastings Flyer – Robbed". Seagoon: "Come, come, little two-stone Hercules - now, tell me if you saw two men and you can have this quarter of dolly mixtures." Bluebottle:"Cor, dolly mixture - thinks - with these-type sweets I could influence certain girls at playtime - that Brenda Pugh might be another Rita Hayworth."
• In the 1954-55 season, the show would often start: "The highly esteemed Goon Show presents the BBC!"
• Eccles and/or Bluebottle were usually employed in some capacity at which they are completely useless.
• People would travel very long distances in very short spaces of time with a great "whooshing" sound.
• Neddie Seagoon is often referred to as very fat and very short - in "The Greenslade Story", after Neddie exclaims to John Snagge, "Not so fast, Mr John Boat Race Snagge!", Snagge dryly remarks "Those words came from a small ball of fat that sprang from behind a piano stool"; similarly, in "The Mummified Priest", Bloodnok recognises Seagoon for his ability to walk underneath a piano stool. In "Wings Over Dagenham", Grytpype refers to Neddie as "Little square pudding", and in "World War I", Mr Lalkaka, playing the part of a tailor, has been given Neddie's vital statistics, so that he (Lalkaka) can make Neddie's demob suit. He is at a loss to work out how a person with these measurements can live. Then Neddie enters, and Lalkaka cries: "It's true!"
• Neddie would either be very rich and important (such as the Prime Minister) with Grytpype-Thynne and Moriarty trying to swindle him, or he would be very poor and become their patsy in an implausible money making scheme.
• Wallace Greenslade, the announcer, was portrayed as an idol and heartthrob with his own fan-club, 'The Greensladers'. At one point he addresses them with the message 'I should like to thank the fifty thousand members of the Wallace Greenslade Society, who clubbed together to send me last year's birthday honours. How nice to have such nice, sweet friends.' Grytpype immediately stage-whispers 'He's a bit of a crawler, Moriarty!'
• Greenslade often refers to the Radio Times magazine, frequently praising it for its low price and interesting content, for example in "The Yehti". In "The Sinking of Westminster Pier" he repeatedly announces that the Goons are performing "The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street", as stated in that week's Radio Times, insisting that "the Radio Times never lies!" The show had been changed at short notice, and was indeed billed as "The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street" in the Radio Times.
• The fact that Ray Ellington was black was commonly joked about. When Seagoon narrates in "Under Two Floorboards", "At the mention of the police, we all turned white", Ellington responds, "Get me a mirror!" Also, in "The Childe Harolde Rewarde", Neddie is looking for a blacksmith to help him withdraw the sword from the stone. He meets Ellington and asks, "Are you a blacksmith?" Ellington replies, "My name's Smith, and you've got eyes!" In "Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest", Bluebottle tells him "If I had my arms free, I'd black your eyes." Ellington parries by asking, "What's the matter, son? Are you colour blind?" In "The Greatest Mountain In The World", Eccles picks up a stick of dynamite, thinking it to be a cigar, and it explodes in his face. Henry Crun comes along, mistakes Eccles for Ellington, and when Eccles corrects him, Henry says, "Oh yes - yours rubs off, doesn't it?" Similarly, Bluebottle says "Don't touch me, Ellington - you will rub off on me!" In "The Flea", Ellington plays the role of a sergeant in a Scottish regiment, reporting to Major Bloodnok in a distinctly non-Scottish voice; Seagoon asks incredulously, "How did he get into a Scottish Regiment?", to which Bloodnok replies: "He lied about his age." In "The Affair of the Lone Banana", Bloodnok remarks that all of his regiment have "turned yellow"; upon Ellington's demand that he speak for himself, Bloodnok apologises profusely, "I'm sorry Ellington, I know you Irish are very brave!" In "ill Met By Goonlight", Seagoon is told (by Grytpype) he will be sent ashore with three men with blackened faces, whereupon Seagoon says he's only been given enough blacking for two. The response comes back: "One of the men is Ray Ellington! Any Questions?" Ellington promptly replies, "It's not fair - just 'cos I've got a sunlamp!" Most of these 'politically incorrect' statements and jokes were edited out, and were consequently lost. However, the above episodes are broadcast on Goon Show Radio, and (with the exception of "The Affair Of The Lone Banana"), contain the supposed cuts outlined above.
• OBEs were often joked about as though they were very easy to obtain (and perhaps even undesirable). In "The Jet-Propelled Guided NAAFI", Seagoon is the Prime Minister, and as a stimulant has to swallow an OBE daily, applied by his butler Grytpype-Thynne ("friend and confidante, and author of 'Ten Years As A Russian Spy at No. 10'"). Grytpype also tells Moriarty in the same episode that he will get "A Russian OBE for that!" . In "The Dreaded Batter Pudding-Hurler (of Bexhill-on-Sea)", Seagoon congratulates Henry Crun for striking down Minnie Bannister. When he admits he didn't do it, Seagoon thunders, "Coward! Hand back your OBE!" In "World War I", Willum is found in a labour exchange, and says to the manager, played by Secombe, "You gotta be careful, there's a lot of work about, mate. Only two more days and I celebrate me fifty years without work." Secombe replies "Fifty years unemployed? Good heavens! Fill in this form for your OBE." In "Queen Anne's Rain", Secombe, on being asked what he would do with an OBE, replies that he would sing it, and does so to the tune of "Shenandoah". Greenslade responds by singing "Oh OBE, the pipes, the pipes are frozen" to the tune of the "Londonderry Air".