Sylvester (singer) - Personal Life

Personal Life

"Perhaps Sylvester suffered the curse of the control queen and the narcissist: he chose controllable and adoring partners, only to find out that they were not self-possessed enough to meet him where he wanted to be met. But his was also the curse of the generous and gentle-hearted. He used the nurturing talents that Letha and JuJu gave him, teaching people... that they, too, were loved and fabulous. When he succeeded, they were ready to go out on their own. You ask one person and he'll say that Sylvester just wanted a worshipful housewife; ask another and he'll tell you that Sylvester wanted to give his soul away to someone extraordinary enough to handle it. They are both right, no doubt."

Sylvester was openly gay, with biographer Joshua Gamson noting that he tended to enter into relationships with men who were "white, self-doubting and effeminate." In 1978, he met a model named John Maley at a San Francisco show, and the slim, white Catholic boy soon moved in to live with Sylvester at his apartment. Sylvester later devoted the song "Can't Forget the Love" from his Too Hot to Sleep album to his young lover, but their relationship broke up when Maley decided to move to Los Angeles; he would later recollect that Sylvester "was a lovely man, and I owe him a lot." In 1981, Sylvester entered into a relationship with a skinny brunette from Deep River, Connecticut named Michael Rayner, but unlike his predecessors he did not move into Sylvester's house; their partnership ended as soon as Rayner admitted that he hadn't fallen completely in love with Sylvester. Sylvester's next major relationship was with Tom Daniels, a hairdresser whom he met in 1982, but their romance ended after six months when Daniels discovered that Sylvester had been having sex with other men whilst on tour. His final partner, Rick Cranmer, was a six foot two blonde with blue eyes, whom he had first met at one of his gigs in 1984. An architect, he and Sylvester would eventually move into a house together in the hills. Cranmer would die of AIDS in 1987, the year before Sylvester also succumbed to the virus.

Sylvester was considered to be a "prima dona" by members of the Hot Band and could be temperamental and difficult with those whom he worked with. He found it difficult saving the money that he earned, instead spending it as soon as he obtained it, both on himself and on his lovers, friends and family. As an openly gay man throughout his career, Sylvester came to be seen as a spokesman for the gay community. He recognised this, but remarked that he felt his career had "transcended the gay movement. I mean, my sexuality has nothing to do with my music. When I'm fucking I'm not thinking about singing and vice versa." He was particularly critical of "clones" – gay men who dressed alike with boots, boot-cut jeans, checked shirts and handlebar mustaches – stating that all too often they judged those gay people who were flamboyant or extravagant.

Sylvester was very self-conscious about his physical appearance, and when he obtained enough money from the successful Step II album (1978), he spent part of it on cosmetic surgery to remove a bump on his nose, inject silicone into his cheeks and have cosmetic work done on his teeth. He would also insist that all pictures of himself were meticulously airbrushed.

Sylvester was born and raised into the Pentecostal denomination of Christianity, and remained a Christian throughout his life. He would often compare the ecstatic feelings that accompanied his onstage performances with the feelings experienced in a gospel choir in a Pentecostal church. When performances reached a certain level of heightened emotion, he would comment that "we had service." In later life he joined the Love Center Church in East Oakland, a ministry founded by the preacher and former gospel singer Walter Hawkins in the 1970s. He had been introduced to the church by Jean Tracie in the 1980s, and he would soon become a regular churchgoer, enjoying the place's welcoming attitude towards societal outcasts. Sylvester would request that his funeral be undertaken by the ministry at the Love Center.