Spud (novel) - Characters

Characters

Crazy Eight

The Crazy Eight consists of the eight boys in Spud's year and house at school.

• John 'Spud' Milton - (nicknamed “Spud” by his housemates because he is a Late bloomer). The protagonist. Possessing a dry sense of humour and acid wit, Spud regularly expresses discontent for his life, due to the major embarrassment he gets from having deranged parents, a senile grandmother and being part of one of the most notorious gangs in the school. Frequent topics of complaint are his spudness, his low self-esteem and various personal matters, such as his shaky relationship with his girlfriend, Mermaid. The Guv watches him with much concern and offers him much support. Being surrounded by madness often makes him question his own sanity. Spud aspires to be an actor in the future and has taken part in two major school plays - Oliver! and A Midsummer Night's Dream, as well as a humiliating house play, and having directed a fourth. Despite his pessimism regarding his looks and spudness, his biggest surprise is the number of girls he attracts - by the final book, he has attracted the attention of at least six girls. Due to his parents' difficult financial situation, he got into the school through a scholarship.
• Robert 'Rambo' Black - The (self-appointed and self-nicknamed) leader of the Crazy Eight. He is known for having a public affair with Eve, the drama teacher and wife of his housemaster, and his exceptionally brutal ways. He seems to like Spud and apparently wishes for Spud to be as tough as he is - he consistently disciplines Spud when he turns arrogant. He also tries to make Spud feel better after he gets his "birthday present."He is described as being very muscular and has black hair. In his third year, he starts to become a kinder and much more protective person.
• Charlie 'Mad Dog' Hooper - A fierce and ruthless thug-like boy so named because of his hunting habits. A talented cricket bowler (has no co-ordination for batting) due to his scare tactics and high speed bowling. Considers Spud to be his friend, as he often includes him in hunting trips and forces him to hike with him a lot of the time. He also cries at the idea of never seeing Spud again. In the second book, he spends a lot of time on the phone with Spud when he is expelled. He often can scare anyone into submission simply by wielding his knife. It is mentioned at some point that he has Dyslexia. After the gang visit his farm in Learning to Fly, he makes no more appearances.
• Henry "Gecko" Barker- Spud's sickly but smart best friend. He is often sick or injured and sent to the sanitorium. He is described as a thin and extremely pale boy (Spud once states "there have to be healthier looking corpses"). He passes away towards the end of the original novel, after contracting cerebral malaria while on holiday in Mozambique.
• Alan "Boggo" Greenstein - a very peverted boy with a bad case of acne. However, he is still very successful with girls and has formed many relationships. He masturbates on a regular basis. His main friends in the series are Sidney 'Fatty' Smitherson Scott and Robert 'Rambo' Black. He does not bully people like Charlie 'Mad Dog' Hooper and Robert 'Rambo' Black, who are very physical with their bullying, but more verbally. He is actually quite intelligent and this is evident throughout the series with his witty comebacks and one-liners, and his clever money-making schemes which, to Spud's surprise, often work.
• Vern "Rain Man" Blackadder - Spud's deranged cubicle mate, who has a strange relationship with his housemaster's cat. His bizarre behaviour makes Spud feel that madness surrounds him (as he already has deranged parents and a senile grandmother). Said to have become deranged because his father died when he was young. The other boys grow to respect him during the first book and he loses his nickname, which came from the film Rain Man, which has an autistic as a main character, and was meant as a small insult as he acts demented and pulls out his own hair.
• Simon Brown - an exceptional sports star with braces and who tends to be disliked by his peers, due to his extreme arrogance and short-tempered behaviour. He feigns a mental breakdown in Learning to Fly in order to play in an English cricket league. At the end of his third year, he becomes Head of House (which many of the others had deliberately avoided due to the responsibilities required).
• Sidney "Fatty" Smitherson-Scott - an obese boy who eats almost anything (once an old rugby boot) and is one of Spud's friends in the series. He is also an eating champion, having won several eating competitions. He is nicknamed by 'PJ' Luthuli, who has a lisp and cannot pronounce Sidney Smitherson-Scott. Fatty finally forms a relationship near the end of Learning to Fly, with a 13-year old girl named Penny, for which he receives a lot of stick from his peers.
• Alexander Short - Replaces Gecko in Madness continues. His Dad becomes a criminal and Alexander is forced to leave the school.
• Roger the cat - After Alexander Short leaves the school the Crazy Eight decide to add Verns'beloved cat to the team. In Exit, Pursued by a Bear, he is banished to Sparerib's brother's farm, to Vern's distress.
• Garth Garlic - a Malawian student who replaces Mad Dog. Garlic constantly annoys the gang with his incessant talking (specifically about Malawi), even after being advised by Spud to keep quiet.

Girls

• Debbie or "the Mermaid" - Spud's first girlfriend and first love. She is described as being very beautiful with blonde hair and blue eyes. She becomes depressed in the first book after her father moves out. She is very fickle and has little respect for Spud's heart, twice breaking up with him on Valentine's Day - the first time after having won a beauty competition and finding a more attractive boyfriend, and the second time to become a born-again Christian, and establish a close relationship with a 29-year old cricket umpire named Gavin. Although Spud initially lacks the self-esteem to confront her about this, he eventually finds the strength in the third book, firmly telling her that "I don't think we can be friends anymore," although this incident brings her out in tears. Despite these breakups, she continues to hold feelings for him. Their relationship eventually reignites permanently after she breaks up with Gavin in Exit, Pursued by a Bear, and she becomes Spud's date to Matric Dance. Despite their continued relationship, her poor alcohol tolerance prevents them from engaging in intimacy.
• Amanda - Spud's second love. She is two years older than Spud and she was cast as the lead for the play Oliver!. Spud instantly falls for her, describing her as Julia Roberts, but repeatedly feels guilty as he still loves the Mermaid as well. Spud becomes her "boy toy" in the second book, due to her being in a relationship with a second-year varsity boy. She invites him to go on vacation with her during summer holidays, but his mother does not allow him. She calls him a coward, and a mother lover. While at a social at Saint Joan's, it is revealed that she is head girl of her house. She kisses Spud, who is surprised but pleased. Later, while he and the other cast members of A Midsummer Night's Dream at Wrexham College in Pietermaritzburg, she sends him a painting, painted by her father, of her in the nude, which astonishes the head teacher overseeing Spud's group. Aside from inviting her to be his date to Matric Dance, Spud eventually severs all ties with her in Exit, Pursued by a Bear, after learning she had slept with Rambo on New Year's Eve.
• Christine - a girl slightly older than Spud who is something of a slut, and who takes a shine to Spud. Spud is the only boy in the entire series who turns down her advances, despite her regular efforts to seduce him and reminders that she has no intention of giving up. As a result of this, he may be the only boy in the series she has feelings for. She continues to make advances on Spud when he goes to the Matric dance with Mermaid (Christine had gone with Boggo).
• Penny and Brenda - two thirteen-year old girls Spud meets at Wrexham College in Learning to Fly. He first describes Brenda as "looking slightly Spanish," and says of Penny "She had that look about her that she might be stunningly beautiful in five years time." Penny and Fatty develop a close friendship, and eventually form a romance. This causes Fatty to receive a lot of stick from his peers, prompting him to start losing weight and remodelling himself, although he reverts to his gluttonous ways after the two eventually break up in Exit, Pursued by a Bear. Brenda has a crush on Spud, despite his efforts to make his lack of interest very clear.
• Sarah Silver - a pretty young girl Spud kissed at a social in Exit, Pursued by a Bear. After the social, she continues to stalk him through many letters and telephone calls, which he ignores, having been freaked out by her mildly disturbing personality and perverse sense of humour.
• Leanne - an attractive girl Spud briefly hooks up with at a hotel while holidaying with his parents. Although they don't meet again, Spud remembers his encounter with her fondly, and it gives him enough of a confidence boost to get back together with the Mermaid, and to ensure he keeps her.

Other Students

• Mbuelo Paul Johannes "PJ" Luthuli - Spud's head of house and friend. He is also the chairman of Spud's Sunday Night club, African Affairs. He is also said to have a lisp, as seen when he attempts to pronounce Fatty's real name (he promptly gives him his nickname). He leaves the school at the end of The Madness Continues.
• Julian - A very camp Matric prefect whose favourite hobby is photographing the behinds of all the first years when they are beaten by Sparerib. Spud's Head Chorister. He is also very sensitive around Spud. He leaves the school midway through The Madness Continues.
• Bert - Julian's sidekick and implied boyfriend.
• Leonard Pike - Spud's (and the Crazy Eight's) nemesis. He is consistently bullying the members of the Crazy Eight. He seems to be slightly homosexual, as he enjoys flashing himself to the members of the Crazy Eight and also has a rather sexual encounter with Spud near the end. He shows up in Learning to Fly and is made a prefect, much to the horror of the group, as they cannot do anything without getting into trouble because of him. After he is de-prefected midway through the year, he suspects Spud ratted on him for his possession of illicit items (Spud was actually doing some work for Viking) and gets a brutal revenge at the end.
• Devries - Pike's sidekick.
• Geoff Lawson - A friend of spuds in a different house. He went to his farm on various occasions throughout the books.
• Grant "Earthworm" Edwards - Spud's prefect, and slave master, although he is usually very kind.

Teachers

• Mr Edly, (The Guv) - English teacher and U/14A Cricket coach, has very interesting teaching methods and swears a lot. Befriends Spud, mostly due to his interest in literature, and his sharing a name with John Milton, one of his favourite poets.
• Mr John Riley Crispo - The elderly history teacher. Spud reminds Crispo of himself when he was young and takes a likeness to him. He does not teach the history syllabus as he is supposed to, but rather recounts his experiences in The Second World War. After he dies, Spud sings at his funeral.
• Mrs Wilson, (Eve) - Drama teacher. Plays Nancy the prostitute in the school play Oliver. She cheats on her husband with Rambo. So nicknamed because "Eve came from Adam's sparerib."
• Mr Richardson (Viking) - Play director, who has directed many school plays, including Oliver! and A Midsummer Night's Dream. Referred to by Spud as "resident school Hitler," in second book. He replaces Sparerib as housemaster of Spud's house in Learning to Fly. The same book gives his first name as Victor.
• Mr Glockenshpeel, (The Glock) - Headmaster. Nicknamed because of how dangerous he can be, as well as his strange name.
• Mr Wilson (Sparerib) - Spud's housemaster. Nicknamed because he lost a rib to bone cancer (although the boys believed he lost it in a lion attack in the Kruger National Park). He leaves his post as housemaster after Rambo is returned to school in The Madness Continues, although he remains a teacher at the school.
• Mr Lilly - Under 14 D/E rugby coach and Spud's art teacher. His pacifism usually results in many losses for his team.
• Reverend Bishop - The deranged school chaplain. Lacks self-esteem and is incredibly gullible, as shown when he believes that Fatty has had an epiphany. This may be due to his domineering wife.
• Mr Lambert (Mongrel) - Spud's Physical Education teacher. He is a former Rhodesian Bush War veteran and harbours racial grudges, which he takes out on all the boys in his class, especially ones who are overweight. Nicknamed because according to Spud, a mongrel "best describes an animal that has no brains, no fear and no mercy." He is a temporary (and extremely brutal) substitute for Viking as head of Spud's house during Learning to Fly. Fortunately, as Spud is joining Viking's play cast, he does not experience Mongrel's regime.
• Mr van Vuuren - Spud's implied racist Afrikaans teacher.
• Mr Norm Wade (Salamander) - Spud's implied racist English teacher in second book. Named because he has long legs and short arms. He is Spud's cricket coach in Learning to Fly and is renamed "Norm (I don't believe in spinners) Wade."
• Mr Lennox - Mr. Crispo's replacement as history teacher. After joining the school, he forms a society called "African Affairs," which discusses the political struggle in South Africa. He is forced to dismantle it in Learning To Fly after it loses all its members with the exception of Spud and Rambo.
• Mr Sykes (Psycho) - Spud's mathematics teacher.
• Mr Hall - First team rugby coach and Adventure Club teacher. He apparently once threatened the team with a revolver on his hip, according to Bert, when they played Kings College, the schools big rival

Family

• Dad - an alcoholic who is also a washerman. Appears to be completely deranged and paranoid, and regularly attempts (often unsuccessfully) to hide his racist beliefs. He is usually drunk. And later buys a dog named Blacky.
• Blacky - the new family pet, who is taught to bark at black people. Although the Dad mistreats Blacky, he genuinely loves the dog.
• Mom - Spud's mother who is also an alcoholic in denial. She constantly threatens to move out of the house.
• Wombat - Spud's grandma on his mother's side. She is usually delirious, senile and also drunk. Also throughout the entire series she encourages Spud to "spread his wild oats", despite him being a 'spud'. She has an odd habit of referring to Spud as "David," and his father as "Roy."