Sit Down, Shut Up (U.S. TV Series) - Characters

Characters

• Ennis Hofftard (Will Arnett) - A cyclist who teaches English and chases women. His catchphrase is "Catchphrases are for losers". He is inept at thinking his plans through, usually causing even more trouble, and he seldom thinks about anything unless it has something to do with a woman or the promise of avoiding work. He is shown to be very talented when it comes to getting a woman, even being a dating teacher before becoming an English Teacher. He has also exhibited on several occasions the internal thought processes of a house cat which he refers to as his "comfort kitty" (a live action cat with a very foul tongue) because he is cowardly. He was influenced by a feeling of failure to live up to his military dad but he later learns that his father was also a cowardly figure who has a comfort kitty of his own.

• Larry Littlejunk (Jason Bateman) - The gym teacher, and the only staff member who can teach. For these reasons, he can be seen as the protagonist. He refers to himself as "Larry L." because he hates his last name, and his catchphrase is "Why can't someone else teach P.E.?". He is apparently the only qualified teacher, but he lost the science teacher position to Miracle Grohe because of her "nude" presentation (which, for censorship reasons, was never shown). He is hopelessly in love with Miracle, but at the same time can't stand how airheaded she is, leading him to insult her instead of telling her how he feels. He has been shown dating other women, but still goes into dazed states when around Miracle. In an early promo for the series, the character was named Larry Slimp.

• Miracle Grohe (Kristin Chenoweth) - A spiritual hippie barefoot science teacher who often brings her infant son named Merch (who is obviously smarter than she is) to school as she believes that babies should always be with their mother. Her catchphrase is "Babies are gifts from God. Drummers are creeps." Though she is a science teacher, she believes in things a science teacher wouldn't (Mother Earth, mysticism, fortunes, etc.). She is also very gullible, in a clear example taking the compliment "you're too pretty to be in school" as a statement. It is implied throughout the show that she also likes Larry. She also runs an underground Pillow Fight Club (a parody of Fight Club) that appears to be world wide. Comedian Maria Bamford was originally cast as Miracle Grohe but was later replaced by Chenoweth. The executives still allowed Bamford to do some "side voices" on the show.

• Stuart Proszakian (Will Forte) - Assistant Principal. His catchphrase is "I need a catchphrase!" He is the most oblivious character in the show, clearly shown when he stated "He is so oblivious he probably doesn't even realize he is talking about himself" when he was talking about himself. Before becoming assistant principal he worked as a prison clown in a Florida penitentiary, and in "Miracle's Are Real," performed a disturbing song for Larry while dressed up as a clown in a black-and-white-striped prison jumpsuit. Stuart has a habit of shortening the word "assistant" to simply "ass" (such as "ass principal" or "ass coach") on job titles. It is heavily suggested throughout the series he is completely insane.

• Muhammad Sabeeh "Happy" Fa-ach Nuabar (Tom Kenny) - The secretive custodian. In the first few episodes, he speaks only in Arabic, which is overdubbed by an English translation that also makes comments about Happy as well. In later episodes he speaks fractured English and no longer has a translator. He lives in a shack on the school grounds. His catchphrase is roughly translated into English as "I am fond of America", though the way he says it sounds like hatred toward America. The actual words are a mondegreen for "I am fond of America", so it might be a mistranslation on his translator's part. Before he began speaking English on his own, the characters couldn't understand him, leading them to think he said the opposite of what he really said. He is often the subject of stereotypical jokes, as in one episode he is seen walking around with a bundle of dynamite. It is also suggested he pees in Ennis' coffee, as when he needed to go to the bathroom he imagined Ennis' coffee mug.

• Andrew LeGustambos (Nick Kroll) - The flamboyant and bisexual drama teacher. His catchphrase is "Speak up." In Spanish, Andrew's last name roughly translates to "he likes both", a reference to his bisexuality. He is in love with both Miracle and Larry, hoping they get together so he could get together with them. He later becomes a narcissist after seeing himself in a dress. According to voice actor Kroll, Andrew is (alongside Helen) a loser amongst losers. Kroll voices him to talk like a "modern day Snagglepuss". In an early promo, the character was named Andrew Sapien.

• Helen Klench (Cheri Oteri) - The unappreciated librarian who often gets mistaken for objects such as brooms or toilet brushes, leading her to become angry when people ignore or cut her off. Her catchphrase is "Quiet down!". She seems to have high levels of testosterone, which is balanced out by taking female hormone drugs (which Vice Principal Prozackian was given when it was believed that the hormone drugs were steroids). Helen is skinny but is considered unattractive in relation to Miracle. In one episode, it was revealed because of her extreme loneliness she has a habit of falling in love with inanimate objects and lives with a lot of cats. She was an alumnus of Knob Haven High School, where she and Sue formed a musical duo, and she was obese back then.

• Sue Sezno (Kenan Thompson) - The "acting" principal of Knob Haven. She got the job due to a mysterious accident involving the last principal and a pair of metal claws. Sue’s style is stern, firm and to the point. In her eyes, there are no dumb questions, just plenty of dumb people. As evidenced by her last name, rarely (if ever) says "Yes." Her catchphrase is "No." She is also a hypocrite, clearly shown when she stated that she would have quit before firing any of the teachers, just to moments later fire Willard, and again when she pressured everyone to keep the School Fair fair, she cheated during the raffle. She is also shown to be incredibly lazy, giving the bare minimum to Miracle so she could become a teacher again because she didn't want to do the work of finding a new teacher, as well as saving the teachers who suffered a heart attack because she didn't want to have to do the paperwork. This as well as having no care for her fellow staff, as when she saw them have heart attacks, she just gave herself the rest of the day off, as well as planning to blame all of the schools problems on them at a meeting in Washington D.C.

• Willard Deutschebog (Henry Winkler) - A middle-aged German teacher with very low self-esteem. His catchphrase is, "If I believed in reincarnation, I'd kill myself tonight." He still is highly influenced by his mother who he used his position as a driving teacher to run errands for. In one episode, he promised to dump his girlfriend because his mom said "she was a whore." In another episode, when presented with the option of a beautiful woman wanting to marry him, he responded, "I'm sorry. I promised my mother I would die alone." He's constantly fretting about his job and is normally homeless to the point where he lives in completely random places (the school football field, in the belfry of a tower, in the closet in the teacher's lounge). He has a fear of driving that stems from crashing his car into a drive-in theater screen during a sexual experience. To get around he arranges for emergency vehicles and hearses to pick him up and take him where he wants to go by lying about sickness, fire, or death. Later, after he obtains the position of the school's driving instructor, he begins using the driver training car for his personal transportation. He also doesn't have an e-mail account or a phone. He has a habit of being a blabbermouth. In the 1930s, became infamous for making love with his teacher, and was known as "The Whoop-De-Doo Kid." He also apparently forages the school dumpster for food every day at 3:00.