Silent Football

Silent Football is a group game composed of three major elements: Football, the Quiet Game, and Parliamentary procedure, consisting mainly of the passing of an imaginary football. Silent Football requires little set up: only a quiet space with room enough for three or more players to form a circle, allowing each player to see all other players. Silent Football is commonly played at Unitarian Universalist rallies and cons.

In the variations of Silent Football that result in a "loser," one loses by the accumulation of a set number of penance points (set by the Dictator at the beginning of the game (usually 3, 5 or 10).

All players are arranged in a circle, and one player is selected, if not already appointed by a higher spiritual power, to be "Brother Dictator", or "Mister Dictator" (or the more capitalist variant: "Mr Commissioner, Sir", or another variant may be "Grand Master". Also used is the Game Master. In 'dirtier' versions, the dictator may be addressed as any combination of 'dick' and 'tater' - i.e.; penis-potato or cock-latka) The Dictator is responsible for running the game, does the majority of the talking, and interprets the rules given his or her certain dictatorial style. While this may include creating, altering, or removing rules, straying too far from the generally accepted rules can result in a quorum of dictatorial challenge.

The game begins with each player introducing themselves for the evening (Picking pseudonyms); i.e. Brother "High School Honors Student" or Sister Cockroach. In some variations players are referred to as simply "Player" rather than brother or sister. (In the capitalist version The players are often called "Misters," because in this variation, all of the players are addressed as "Mr., Miss, or Mrs.(insert full first name)", in another variation players create nicknames that they must keep every game they ever play.) Pseudonyms may consist of words, motions, or both. Should a pseudonym include both, both the words and the motions must be used.

Once everyone is arranged, the Dictator must clear any misunderstandings about the rules with either his own interpretation or arbitrary legislation. In some silent football communities, teaching the basic rules of the game is forbidden. New/prospective players must play/watch a round to learn the rules in those communities, however there is also a fifteen-minute rule, which forbids outsiders to watch for more than fifteen minutes, after which time the offending outsider must either join or leave. Also, to keep things less complicated, some players simply say "Silent football is neither silent, nor is it football" when talking about it, unless it is before actually playing in which case rules will be taught.