Safeword - Forms of Safewords

Forms of Safewords

A safeword makes it possible for a submissive to say "No" or "Stop" and pretend as much as he or she wants without really meaning it while still having a safe way of indicating they seriously need the scene to stop. In theory a safeword is usually a word that the person would not ordinarily say during sex, such as ziggurat, Arnie, or pinech. With the range of safewords in common use it is important that the safeword be negotiated beforehand.

Since a scene may become too intense for a submissive partner to remember what the safeword is, in practice commonly the words safeword or red are also used as safewords. They are often the default at many play parties, or respected as a safeword in addition to any negotiated safeword. A dungeon monitor would likely expect either of those words to be respected.

Some partners may also have different gradations of safewords, such as green to mean "Okay" or even "harder" or "more", yellow to mean "slow down" or "stop doing that" without stopping the scene, and red to mean "stop the scene". In this fashion, a dominant partner may ask the submissive partner "What is your color?" to check with a submissive partner without having to stop the scene.

In other circumstances the safeword may not be a "word" at all, which is very useful when the submissive is bound and gagged. In these instances a signal such as dropping a bell or a ball, the snapping of fingers, or opening and closing both hands repeatedly or making three clear and rhythmic grunts as a pre-defined signal to stop or otherwise slow down the scene. There is also a convention of tops to put a finger in the "submissive's" hand as a sort of "check in" when the "submissive" has become non-verbal, such as may happen as they reach subspace. In this scenario the "submissive" squeezes the "top's" finger to indicate OK.