Ruby Romaine - Biography

Biography

Ruby's family hails from Wisconsin. When her family moved out to Hollywood, they lived in a trailer. Her family was extremely obese. "I don't think I ever saw them put anything in their mouths that didn't have milk, butter, and cheese in it." Ruby revealed that she was an early bloomer. She developed triple D-cup breasts, and "hair in all four locations". Sometime before age 15, Ruby's Uncle Rosco came to live with them. He made sexual advances towards her, for which he stood trial. The judge made him join the navy, and sent him to Guam, where he died. "God rest his sweaty paws," says Ruby. According to Tracey Takes On... (book), Ruby had a short-lived marriage to entertainer Tubby Lapels, "chairman emeritus of the Hermosa Beach Friars Club." This produced her daughter Desiree. However, according to the episode Tracey Takes On... America, Desiree was the product of an affair with Senator Joseph McCarthy. "He was the first guy I did it with in a blimp."

Ruby has two children, Desiree and Buddy Romaine. Ruby had her children back-to-back, which allowed her to, "spend a lot of time with them, and make sure that they were growing up right." Desiree works in a morgue, where she steals things. Son, Buddy was the product of incest. Ruby had an affair with her uncle, Chip. Ruby concealed her pregnancy by telling her mother that "she was nursing kids for the county." Buddy didn't meet his "Uncle-daddy" until he was a adult competing in a car show contest. Chip took the car Buddy won, and disappeared from his life yet again.

Buddy was a child star. He starred as the "Tasty Bread Boy" in television commercials. When he was 17, Buddy decided that he wanted to fight in the Vietnam war. Buddy returned a shell-shocked veteran. He lives with Ruby to this very day. Even with his harrowing experience, Buddy still misses Vietnam. To fill the void, Buddy adopted a pot bellied pig, Oinky. Ruby makes sure that Buddy takes his anti-psychotic medication daily, although he seemingly has lapses. Buddy acted as Secretary of State for the secessionist group, Army of Armageddon. The group called for their mobile home to be declared a separate state. Buddy has a history of selling his body parts. He used part of the money to send away for a "slender Filipino fiance". Buddy proposed marriage as was mandatory contractually. However, upon his "fiance's" arrival, Buddy was held up with the Armageddon group. His fiance ultimately decided to marry the sergeant who was awaiting Buddy's surrender.

Desiree's daughter, Karen, Ruby's niece, married and had a child with an African-American man. They named the child Whitney. Ruby never knew of the child. She also didn't attend the wedding. Ruby ran into her daughter in a food market. She was shopping with her granddaughter, Ruby's great-grandchild. This mini-reunion resulted in a reconciliation for mother and daughter, and an introduction for Whitney and Ruby. Ruby takes her great-grandchild to the Department of Motor Vehicles, and uses her to get out of jams when she gets caught making off-color remarks to store employees.

Ruby stocked up on what she calls "vintage dinners" - frozen TV dinners that were taken off the market when health experts discovered that some of the additives were causing cancer. She still serves them on special occasions like Thanksgiving for her family.