Table of Contents
The first page of each issue lists all the articles to follow, including their "Department" headings, which are plays on words. For example, a parody of a pizza chain's menu appeared under "The Passion of the Crust Department," while an article entitled "William Shakespeare, Sports Commentator" was part of "The Play-By-Play's the Thing Department." Long-running features had equally long-running headers: Spy vs. Spy is filed under the "Joke and Dagger Department," Dave Berg's "Lighter Side of..." always ran within the "Berg's Eye View Department," and many of Frank Jacobs' articles come under the "Frank on a Roll Department." Don Martin's crazy cartoons were simply labelled "Don Martin Department," with further fanfare presumably being unnecessary. Dick DeBartolo's articles occasionally are headed under the "Dick DePartment", while some of Duck Edwing's articles were labeled as the "Tales from The Duck Side" Dept. Most of the magazine's other recurring features have had their own continuing "Department."
Each Table of Contents cites one article that does not actually exist. Examples of these imaginary listings have included "Santa Claus, Porn Star"; "What if Cap'n Crunch Was Brought Before a Military Tribunal?"; "If Bobby Knight Coached the Special Olympics"; "Only the Assistant Undersecretary of Transportation Would Possibly Believe..."; and "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions During the Bombing of Belgrade." In one instance, the fake title listed, "If Chickens Could Time Travel," showed up as a genuine article in the next issue.
Each Table of Contents also includes a quote or aphorism attributed to Alfred E. Neuman. With a handful of exceptions, this is the only time the character ever "speaks."
Read more about this topic: Recurring Features In Mad (magazine)
Famous quotes containing the words table of, table and/or contents:
“Remember thee?
Ay, thou poor ghost, whiles memory holds a seat
In this distracted globe. Remember thee?
Yea, from the table of my memory
I’ll wipe away all trivial fond records,
All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past
That youth and observation copied there,
And thy commandment all alone shall live
Within the book and volume of my brain,”
—William Shakespeare (1564–1616)
“In New York, pretending to be above the struggle means no seat on the bus and a table next to the kitchen.”
—Mason Cooley (b. 1927)
“How often we must remember the art of the surgeon, which, in replacing the broken bone, contents itself with releasing the parts from false position; they fly into place by the action of the muscles. On this art of nature all our arts rely.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882)