Plot
The episode begins with Richie and Eddie acting as volunteers in an identity parade. A suited man is accompanied into the room by a uniformed police officer, whom Richie mistakes for the criminal. It turns out, however, to be a member of CID, Chief Inspector Grobbelaar. The suspects are brought in, Eddie's friends, Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog. Spudgun's mother, Mrs. Potato, enters the room and identifies him as stealing her handbag to take to a cross-dressing party. Chief Inspector Grobbelaar orders one of the officers to take her outside and give her a good drubbing.
Next, we see Richie and Eddie entering their local pub, The Lamb and Flag. They go to order drinks with their earnings from the identity parade, and notice that there is a new barmaid. The two pretend to be health and safety officers in order to get free food and drinks. Spudgun, Dave Hedgehog and Mrs. Potato are also posing as health and safety officers, and are planning their next identity parade that afternoon. Richie tries to chat up the barmaid, and while doing so, claims he was a soldier in the Falklands War. This catches the attention of a nearby drinker (Robert Llewellyn), who actually fought in the war, who starts questioning him.
Meanwhile, the toilet door bursts open, and Tight-Mouthed Larry, the local Bookie, staggers drunkenly into the bar and collapses, vomiting all over the floor. The Falklands veteran begins questioning Richie again, and shows him his service medal. Richie is shocked and doesn't know what to say. The war veteran shows Richie that he lost his leg in the war and now has a false leg made of carved wood. He carries on questioning Richie and works out that he was lying about being in the Falklands War. Richie shows the veteran his appendix scar. This doesn't impress the veteran, who beats Richie up. Presently, Tight-Mouthed Larry wakes up and tells the entire pub of a horse, Sad Ken, that is certain to win despite having 100/1 odds. He tells everyone that it is a secret and to forget it. Larry leaves the pub.
Richie and Eddie are left wishing that they had more money to bet on the horse; they think it is a shame that they only have £16 between them. The two go to the toilets and plan to steal the war veteran's leg, take it to a pawnbroker, sell it, place the proceeds on Sad Ken, buy the leg back with the winnings and keep the profit. They leave the toilets to find that the veteran has fallen asleep. Eddie runs over and tries to remove his leg, before realising he is twisting the veteran's real leg. Richie takes over and unfastens the false leg, and sends Eddie to the pawnbroker to sell the leg and place the bet. Richie starts feeding the veteran alcohol with a funnel to keep him asleep.
At Harry The Bastard's Pawnshop, there is a crowd of people selling various items to raise stake money for the horse race. Spudgun is trying to sell a rat, claiming it is a mink. Eddie enters with the leg. Harry says it must be worth at least £2,500, but offers Eddie £1.50. Eddie blackmails Harry into giving him £500 for it.
Back in the pub, the war veteran wakes up, and says that he wants to go for a walk to clear his head. Richie persuades him not to by asking to hear some war stories. In the bookie's, Eddie places the bet and goes to watch the race with the rest of the drinkers. Sad Ken, who is blind and only has three legs, runs the wrong way and falls over, then is shot.
Eddie returns to the pub and explains that Sad Ken didn't win, and now they have no money to buy the leg back with. Tight-Mouthed Larry and Dick Head, the pub landlord, enter the bar with a pile of money and reveal that the Sad Ken tip had been a scam, and the new bardmaid had been Dick's niece, Veronica.
The pair go back into the toilet and plan to mug the next person who enters. A man enters who they start to beat up, but it turns out to be Chief Inspector Grobbelaar. The episode ends back in the police station, with Richie and Eddie in an identity parade. Chief Inspector Grobbelaar picks them out as the men who assaulted him, and the other police officers start beating up Richie and Eddie.
Read more about this topic: Parade (Bottom Episode)
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