Plot
Randy is heavily constipated, having not had defecated in more than three weeks. After taking a laxative, Randy produces an abnormally large piece of excrement during an extremely painful bowel movement. Believing he has passed the world's biggest stool, he reaches out to the "European Fecal Standards and Measurements" office, headquartered in Zürich, Switzerland. The institute concludes he has the world record, weighing in at 8.6 courics – a fictional measurement named after journalist Katie Couric. (1 couric equals approximately 2.5 pounds of excrement.) As Randy is the first American to ever receive the award, the American government holds a ceremony to honor his achievement – however, it is interrupted by a video of Bono, the previous record holder, claiming he has just taken an excrement weighing 9.5 courics, and is therefore still the record holder. His claim is accepted, despite protests that his only proof is an unverified photo.
Randy is saddened by the loss of his record, and his friends convince him to train hard and reclaim the position. After three weeks of eating, an ultrasound reveals his feces have reached about 14 courics in weight. Bono successfully demands Randy be required to pass his stool in Zürich. This prompts Randy's son Stan to visit Bono's mansion and ask him to relinquish the first place record, saying Randy has never won anything in his life, unlike Bono. However, Bono angrily refuses to be "number two" at anything. Bono's butler takes Stan to Zürich and informs him of the truth – Bono set his record in 1960, the year he was born; Bono is not the record holder, he is the record itself.
Everybody is gathered in Zürich, where the institute's leader explains he produced the world's biggest excrement in 1960 and was so proud, he raised it as a child. Over time, it grew up into Bono, explaining why Bono can help so many people through his humanitarian work while still seeming "like such a piece of shit." Bono's father says that even though Bono faked his newest record, Bono himself is over 80 courics in weight, and thus is still bigger than Randy's old record or any other feces in the world. At that moment, Randy finally produces an excrement so large it lifts him several feet off the toilet seat and is estimated to weigh more than 100 courics. Randy is hailed as the new record holder, as an institute member pulls the "advertisement" Emmy image off the screen and presents it to Randy by lodging it in his crap.
Read more about this topic: More Crap
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