Miss Adventure Conquers The Prix!
Weekly World News Issue: June 20, 2005
Tagline: "Drag queen RACES to find the right formula" and "I never even stripped my gears!"
After returning from Arizona, Andrews planned a quiet weekend at home in Teaneck, New Jersey. Instead Danny "Dee Dee" Romano booked the two of them on a flight to Monaco where — without Andrew's knowledge — he had scheduled his friend to drive in the annual Grand Prix motor race. Andrews explained how Dee Dee became involved in the race. One of Dee Dee's oldest friends was Malibu's Benny "Big Drag" Rickles. Since the 1960s, Rickles has managed the only drag strip in the entire country run exclusively for transvestites. At 79, Rickles is still the queen of the dragsters. As he told Dee Dee, though, the one thing he had never done was to have one of his custom cars in the Grand Prix. Dee Dee set about to make that happen with Miss Adventure.
They met at the track by Big Drag and his car, the V8-Topper. The car was pink and low slung, with an impressive tailpipe. The day before the race, Big Drag warned Andrew about a cryptic missive from Malibu. The horribly written note, which came from someone calling himself the "Mashed Marble", read, "Your days are numbered."
Andrews took the car for a spin and almost at once he experienced a seres of mishaps. The first time Andrews stepped on the gas, the car shot into reverse and he wound up in a local casino. Then the engine fell out and finally his back tires flew off and Miss Adventure dragged his rear end 50 yards (46 m) before he could stop. Clearly, the Mashed Marble was trying to make good on his threat. Desperate measures were necessary, and Dee Dee Romano put in an emergency call to his cousin at the Kennedy Space Center. On the day of the Grand Prix, Andrews hopped in a car whose tank was filled with space shuttle fuel. As a gunshot signaled the start of the race, Andrews floored the gas pedal in high heels and took off. The V-8 Topper left the ground for a few miles, but despite the handicap when the dust had settled, Miss Adventure had run the race. Returning home, Romano and Andrews found a package that had been delivered from the mysterious enemy, The Mashed Marble. As near as they could figure it out after they soaked it in the jacuzzi and called the local bomb squad, it read "Wet Meat Again, Miss Adventure!"
Read more about this topic: Miss Adventure, World's Favorite Gay Hero!
Famous quotes containing the words adventure and/or conquers:
“Railway termini ... are our gates to the glorious and the unknown. Through them we pass out into adventure and sunshine, to them, alas! we return.”
—E.M. (Edward Morgan)
“Out of the element of participation follows the certainty of faith; out of the element of separation follows the doubt in faith. And each is essential for the nature of faith. Sometimes certainty conquers doubt, but it cannot eliminate doubt. The conquered of today may become the conqueror of tomorrow. Sometimes doubt conquers faith, but it still contains faith. Otherwise it would be indifference.”
—Paul Tillich (1886–1965)