Magic Word - Manners

Manners

The term magic word may also refer to the word please when used by adults to teach children manners:

"Gimme ketchup now!"
"What's the magic word?"
"Sorry. May I have some ketchup, please?"

The single word changes an imperative order into a conditional request, concisely communicating "Do as I say, if it pleases you."

The "magic" is a result of simple psychology, because when a person feels respected they are much more likely to choose a harmonious response.

Likewise, other magic words exist as part of a social contract, designed to express affection for another. Such words are magic not because of their effect on people (If they were, this would be simple manipulation, not etiquette) but because they make others feel better in context of the situation. For example:

• Please should not be used for just any request, but a request that might be considered unreasonable without it. This is because it is used to reflect the knowledge that the asker understands the trouble involved in the request.
• Thanks is used to show that the other person's actions are valued.
• Sorry is perhaps more important than the first two, as it is used to express regret over one's actions. Without such regret, relationships often dissolve over time. Also, contingent on this idea is the promise of not repeating the action (a promise which may be difficult or impossible to carry out, which is why some people are reluctant to apologize).
• In addition, an unofficial magic word may be added, since it follows a similar idea. The word Stay (not as it is used to dogs, but as the opposite of "Leave!") could be considered magic since it expresses the idea that the person is loved or wanted, and that they belong.

See Etiquette