Plot
The Griffin family are waiting for the examination results of Brian at the veterinary office of Dr. Jewish, as Brian had apparently had stomach pains prior to the events in the episode. Chris spots a young intern named Anna and develops a crush for her. While there, Peter finds a parrot and decides to keep it, leaving a dog wearing a top hat and a mustache in its place. Peter begins taking the parrot everywhere he goes, showing it off to his friends, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe, who, in turn, begin making suggestions as to how Peter could change his appearance to appear more "pirate-like" because of the resemblance between Peter and a pirate, who are known for keeping parrots as pets. Peter takes the advice given to him by his friends by dressing up in pirate clothing, gathering up a crew of other "pirates", and going by the name "Long John Peter". Peter begins taking the pirate act to the extreme, even robbing a British man's car filled with sugarcane, tobacco, and spices. In the "battle" for the spices, Peter's parrot is severely injured and eventually dies.
Meanwhile, at the vet where Dr. Jewish breaks the bad news about Peter's dead parrot, Chris and Anna hook up and begin dating. The relationship goes smoothly until Peter berates Chris for treating her too well. Peter tells him that women like bad boys, so Chris calls Anna a "bitch" on their next date, thinking that will improve the relationship. Instead, she breaks up with him. After hearing what happened, Lois, furious at Peter, orders him to try to comfort Chris, but Peter fails to cheer up Chris when Peter gives him a bullfrog which died when Peter poked holes on its back. When Lois tells Chris that the only person he should turn to in this situation is himself, Chris beats Brian with a chair as an excuse to return to the vet, sees Anna there, and apologizes to her. Anna decides to give Chris another chance, while Brian collapses to the floor in pain. Brian asks for help but Stewie comes in and kicks Brian in his stomach, before leaving him there.
Read more about this topic: Long John Peter
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“Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.”
—Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (1835–1910)
“Ends in themselves, my letters plot no change;
They carry nothing dutiable; they won’t
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—Philip Larkin (1922–1986)
“If you need a certain vitality you can only supply it yourself, or there comes a point, anyway, when no one’s actions but your own seem dramatically convincing and justifiable in the plot that the number of your days concocts.”
—John Ashbery (b. 1927)