Li'l Abner - Shmoos and Other Mythic Creatures

Shmoos and Other Mythic Creatures

Shmoos, introduced in 1948, were fabulous creatures that bred exponentially, consumed nothing, and eagerly provided everything that humankind could wish for. Besides producing both milk (bottled, grade A) and eggs (neatly packaged), they tasted like pork when roasted, chicken when fried, and steak when broiled. Ironically, the shmoo's generous nature and incredible usefulness made it a threat to capitalism, to western society and perhaps to civilization itself. Li'l Abner featured a whole menagerie of allegorical animals over the years — each one was designed to satirically showcase another disturbing aspect of human nature. They included:

• Kigmies — Masochistic, aboriginal creatures who loved to be kicked, thereby satisfying all human aggression... up to a point, after which they went on a rampage of retaliation. (The Kigmy story was originally fashioned as a metaphor for racial and religious oppression. Capp's surviving preliminary sketches of the kigmies make this apparent, as detailed in the introductory notes to Li'l Abner Dailies 1949: Volume 15, Kitchen Sink Press, 1992).
• The Bald Iggle — A cute little wide-eyed, guileless creature whose soulful gaze compelled everyone to involuntarily tell the truth — including lawyers, politicians, fishermen, advertisers, husbands, wives and used car salesmen. The Iggle was officially declared a public menace by the FBI ("The life it ruins may be your own!"), and ultimately hunted down, confiscated and exterminated.
• Nogoodniks — or bad shmoos. Nogoodniks were a "sickly shade of green," had "li'l red eyes, sharp yaller teeth, an' a dirty look," and were the sworn enemies of "hoomanity." Frequently sporting 5 o'clock shadows, eye patches, scars, fangs and other ruffian attributes — they devoured "good" shmoos, and wreaked havoc on Dogpatch. They're finally defeated when they get subjected to George Jessel's recording of Paul Whiteman's "Wagon Wheels," a sound so excruciating that it kills them instantly. (A very similar climactic resolution occurred in the 1996 film, Mars Attacks! In the movie, Slim Whitman's version of "Indian Love Call" was the method of destruction.)
• Shtoonks — or winged, flying shmoos. There were also modified baby shmoos called Shminfants, which looked like human babies but were eternally young, came in a variety of different "colors," and never needed changing.
• Mimikniks — Obsessive Slobbovian songbirds who sing like anyone they've ever heard. (Those who've heard Maria Callas are valued. Those who've heard George Jessel are shot.) The only song they know the words to is Short'nin' Bread, however — due to the fact that there was only one record in Lower Slobbovia.
• The Money Ha-Ha — An alien creature from "Planet Pincus No. 2," with ears shaped like taxi horns. It laid U.S. currency in place of eggs.
• Turnip Termites — Looking like a cross between a locust and a piranha, billions of these insatiable pests swarm once a year to their ancient feeding ground — Dogpatch.
• Shminks — Valued for making "shmink coats." They can only be captured by braining 'em with a kitchen door.
• Pincushions — Alien beings from "Planet Pincus No. 7." Like the earlier Moon Critters, they looked like flying sausages with pinwheels on their posteriors.
• Abominable Snow-Hams — Delectable but intelligent and sensitive beings, presenting Tiny Yokum with an ethical dilemma: Does eating one constitute cannibalism?
• The Slobbovian Amp-Eater — This luminous beast consumed electric currents; a walking energy crisis.
• Bashful Bulganiks — Timid birds that are so skittish they can't be seen by human eyes, and are thus theoretical.
• Stunflowers — Murderous, thoroughly malevolent anthropomorphic houseplants.
• Fatoceroses — The only defense against a stampede of these bloated pachyderms is a steaming plate of lethally addictive "Mockaroni."
• Bitingales — Fiendish little devil birds whose hellish bite causes unbearable heat — for 24 years.
• The Slobbovian King Crab — A huge crustacean that only eats Slobbovian kings.
• The Flapaloo — A scrawny, prehistoric bird that lays 1,000 eggs per minute. The eggs, when dissolved, turn water into gasoline. The Oil industry captures the last one in existence — and mercilessly wrings its neck!
• Gobbleglops — Looking like a cross between a hog and a teddy bear, these insatiable creatures eat rubbish, (or as Mammy calls it, "glop.") They can't be touched, as they're red-hot, living incinerators; waste goes in and nothing comes out. Mammy leads them to America's major polluted cities, where they obligingly devour all the garbage. But when the glop runs out — they begin to consume everything (and everyone) else in sight...
• Shmeagles — The world's most amorous creatures, they pursue their females at the speed of light — sometimes even faster!
• Hammus Alabammus — Faux (pig) Latin designation for an adorable (and delectable) species of swine, with a "zoot snoot" and a "drape shape." The only known one in existence resides with the Yokums — their beloved pet, Salomey.