Language of Adoption - Honest Adoption Language - Example of Terms Used in Honest Adoption Language

birth mother/father/parent

mother or natural mother

HAL views term "birth mother" as being derogatory, limiting a woman's purpose in her child's life to the physical act of reproduction and thus implying that she is a "former mother" or "breeder." HAL terms reflect the point of view that there is a continuing mother-child relationship and/or bond that endures despite separation

birth child

natural child, child of one's own

HAL views the term "birth child" as being derogatory, implying that the adoptee was a "birth product" produced for the adoption market, and having no relationship or connection with his or her natural mother past the event of having been born. It also implies that the mother is a "birth mother" with no connection to her child or interest in her child past this point

place for adoption
give up for adoption

surrender for adoption
(have)
(are) separated by adoption,

HAL acknowledges that past adoption practice facilitated the taking of children for adoption, often against their mother's expressed wishes. Many women who have gone through the process and who are separated from their children by adoption believe that social work techniques used to prepare single mothers to sign Termination Of Parental Rights papers closely resembles a psychological war against natural motherhood; hence the term "surrender." "Surrender" is also the legal term for the mother's signing a Termination of Parental Rights. "Realistic Plan", "Make a plan" and "place for adoption" are viewed by HAL proponents as being dishonest terms which marginalize or deny the wrenching emotional effect of separation on the mother/child dyad. and imply the mother has made a fully informed decision.

mother/father/parent (when referring solely to the parents who had adopted)

adoptive mother/father/parent/adopter

Referring to the people who have adopted the child as the mother or father (singular), ignores the emotional and psychological (and often physical) presence of a second set of parents in the child's life. In contrast to RAL, HAL reflects the opinion that there are two sets of parents in the adopted person's life: adoptive parents and natural parents.

adopted child

adopted person or person who was adopted

The use of the adjective 'adopted' signals that the relationship is qualitatively different from that of parents to other children. The use of the word "child" is accurate up until the end of childhood. After that the continued use of "child" is infantilizing.