Ink and Incapability - Plot

Plot

Samuel Johnson (Robbie Coltrane) seeks Prince George's patronage for his new book, A Dictionary of the English Language. The Prince – seeking to amend his reputation as an "utter turnip-head" – is interested, but Blackadder tries to turn him against the idea, condemning the dictionary as "the most pointless book since How to Learn French was translated into French". It soon emerges that Blackadder resents Johnson for apparently ignoring his novel Edmund: A Butler's Tale which, under the pseudonym of "Gertrude Perkins", he had secretly sent to Johnson in the hope that he would get it published.

Johnson has a meeting with the Prince, during which George fails to grasp the purpose of the Dictionary and Blackadder infuriates Johnson by continuously inventing and using new words in order to convince him that his work is incomplete. However, on learning that Dr. Johnson had also intended, if given the Prince's patronage, to promote Edmund: A Butler's Tale – a book Johnson considers to be the only one better than his – Blackadder persuades George that he should, in fact, support the dictionary.

However, when Blackadder seeks to retrieve the dictionary for Johnson, Baldrick admits that he has used it to light a fire for the Prince. Repairing to "Mrs. Miggins' Literary Salon", where Johnson and his admirers Lord Byron (Steve Steen), Shelley and Coleridge (Jim Sweeney) are socializing, Blackadder attempts to find out where a copy is kept, but Johnson indignantly proclaims that there is none, considering it "like fitting wheels to a tomato, time consuming and completely unnecessary". Under threat of death from Johnson and his devotees, Blackadder desperately attempts to recreate the Dictionary before Johnson discovers the truth. Baldrick and George try to assist, but their efforts are of little help (Blackadder: "Have you got 'C'?" Baldrick: "Yes. 'C: Big blue wobbly thing that mermaids live in.'")

The next morning, Johnson and his devotees arrive at the palace, demanding the dictionary. He explains that he has worked on this book 18 hours every day these past 10 years, ignoring his mother's death, his father's bizarre efforts to gain his attention, and his wife's infidelity. Just as the enraged literati are about to kill Blackadder, the Prince emerges from his room, holding the dictionary and offering his patronage. It is ultimately revealed that Baldrick did not burn the dictionary but instead burned the only copy of Blackadder's novel (which Johnson had also brought with him when visiting the Prince). Blackadder is, of course, devastated. Johnson departs in a fit of rage on realizing that his dictionary is missing the word "sausage" after he reads Baldrick's "semi-autobiographical" novel (" Once upon a time there was a lovely little sausage called Baldrick, and it lived happily ever after.") The episode ends with Baldrick lighting another fire and this time burning the actual dictionary.