Synopsis
Act One begins as the alarm in Mal and Jill's bedroom goes off, and Mal reaches for it. They rise for breakfast, and Sam, their son, tries to get Jill to sign a permission form for an after-school drama group without Mal knowing, but Mal finds the form and rips it up. It is unclear what Mal does not like about it, other than claiming acting is men prancing around in tights. Sam is openly contemptuous of his father, whilst Mal is openly disappointed with his son, unlike his daughter, Chrissie, who worked hard at school, found her man, got pregnant and got married (in that order). Mal's prized son-in-law, Dean, arrives at the house, and prior to setting off for work together, Dean speaks of how successful his marriage is (his proudest example being his wife making him cooked breakfast every day apart from Sunday when he makes her breakfast).
At work, Mal faces a number of problems involving customers and staff and handles them aggressively. He also tries to fend off calls on his mobile from a woman he has been having an affair with on lunch breaks. Meanwhile, at home, Jill confides with Chrissie, her daughter, that she knows of Mal's affair. Chrissie talks of her marriage in a far less positive light than her husband gave earlier, wondering if she has gone frigid after giving birth. Jill notices that Chrissie keeps rubbing her arm, and finds out that Dean sometimes hits her. After school, Sam's news that he got the part he wanted (in spite of no signed form) is little cheer to Jill. Mal and Dean return home having been out drinking, and Dean insists on driving Chrissie and the baby home in spite of Chrissie's pleas not to.
Jill and Mal also argue, with Jill clearly regretting not having worked for fifteen years. In a moment left on her own, Jill weeps and says "God help us". She and Mal go to bed. In the morning, the alarm goes off again, and this time, it is Jill who reaches for the alarm - except that she only reaches as far as Mal would have reached for it. In fact, Jill and Mal have sometime swapped bodies, and the act ends as they make this discovery.
At the start of Act Two, Mal and Jill hastily agree not to tell anyone what has happened and to act out each other's lives as normal. Sam notices something is strange - Jill (in Mal's body) daintily and meticulously cleans the kitchen surface, whilst Mal (in Jill's body) slouches and wears the most ghastly choice of clothes - but ignores it. Jill goes to work and, to Dean's astonishment, sets to work cleaning the furniture in the shop. She also defuses the problems that Mal created the previous day, although going a little over the top in dealing with a stressed member of staff.
Meanwhile, Mal has the chance to get to know his children better as they open up to him, believing him to be their mother. Mal is deflated to learn from Chrissie that Jill knew about his affair all along, but is horrified to discover what Dean has been doing to her. When Sam returns home, he reads out a passage to Mal (as Francis Flute playing Thisbe in A Midsummer Night's Dream), almost moving him to tears. When asking Sam about acting, Mal gives the game away that he is worried his son might be gay. When he learns the real reason Sam acts - that he has a crush on his female drama teacher - Mal proudly says "That's my boy!" When Dean returns home, Mal punches him on sight. Jill uses the opportunity to end Mal's affair by telling his mistress over the phone that it is too dangerous, pointing out that Jill has just attacked her son-in-law. Jill makes Mal a sandwich, giving Sam a chance to bond with his father. Sam puts his parents' strange behaviour down to aliens.
Mal and Jill retire to bed, and Jill says that if they ever get their own bodies back, she must start working again. In bed, in the middle of the night, they find they are back to normal. They agree not to forget what has happened and talk about it in the morning, and the play ends as they sleep in each other's arms.
Read more about this topic: If I Were You (play)