Hitler Has Only Got One Ball - Song Lyrics - Variant Stanzas

Variant Stanzas

Variant 1 (most common)

Hitler has only got one ball,

Göring has two but very small,

Himmler is somewhat sim'lar,

But poor Goebbels has no balls at all.

Line 2 is "Göring his balls are very small" in some versions.

In line 3, "is somewhat" is sometimes replaced by "is rather" or "has something" (the latter keeps all lines using 'has'). The first line may also be one left ball, one brass ball, one big ball; approximately this version appears in Thomas Pynchon's V. (page 325). Other alternatives to line 3 include: "Himmler's are somewhat simmler," and "Hess has even less,"

In some versions, line 4 is "And Martin Bormann has got none at all."

Variant 2

Hitler: he had but one left ball,

Mussolini: he had none at all,

Stalin: he was three-ballin',

And that's the dictator's rise and fall!

Variant 3

Hitler has only got one ball,

The other is on the kitchen wall, (the other is in the Albert Hall), or (in Northern England: The Leeds Town Hall)

His mother, the dirty bugger,

Chopped it off when he was small.

She threw it, into the apple tree (Over West Germany)

The wind blew it into the deep blue sea (Where it landed into the deep blue sea)

Where the fishes got out their dishes and ate scallops and bollocks for tea

Outside of the United Kingdom, the second line is often invoked as "The other is on the kitchen wall", "The other is on the White House wall" or "The other is hanging on the wall". Some areas of the United Kingdom alter the second line to feature local buildings; e.g.:

• Mancunians use "The other is in the Free Trade Hall";
• Londoners use "the Albert Hall";
• Loiners (from Leeds) have "The Leeds Town Hall";
• Glaswegians (of Glasgow have "the Kelvin Hall";
• in Northern Ireland, "The Ulster Hall" is sometimes substituted; and
• in Liverpool, "in St George's Hall" is substituted. The fifth and sixth lines are occasionally replaced by, "She hung it on the washing line / It fell into the River Tyne".

Other variations include use of the past tense, referring to Goebbels as Doctor, Hitler's other ball being "on the wall", mixtures of the variants above, and Hitler's life being "much simpler if he didn't have any at all".

Variant 4, as sung in Australia by schoolchildren in the 1950s and '60s, with phonetic spelling:

Hitler had only one brass ball,

Ger-ring had two but they were small,

Himmler had something simmler,

And poor old Go-balls had no balls at all.

Note the addition of Hitler having had a brass testicle. Sometimes "Go-balls" would be replaced by a fictional "Joe-Balls", possibly because by then young children were unaware of who Goebbels was.

Variant number 5, as sung by the Boy Scouts of America

Hitler - oh he had one big ball

Göring - had two but they were rather small

Himmler - had something similar

But mister Goebbels had no balls at all

or

Hitler he's only got one ball

The other is on the kitchen wall

His mother the dirty lover

Chopped it off when he was one

Variant 6

Hitler - he had just one big ball

Himmler - had two but they were small

Göring - had one ball-bearing

And Goebbels had no balls at all

Variant 7, as sung in New Zealand in the 1940s and 1950s, similar to the Australian version above in its use of "Go-balls". This version is noteworthy for the wordplay between "two" and "too small":

Hitler has only got one ball,

Göring has two but they're too small,

Himmler has something sim'lar,

But poor old Go-balls has no balls at all.

Variant 8, another version sung in Australia; note that 'Himmler has something sim'lar' is changed to ' Menzies, he's in a frenzies':

Hitler has only one brass ball,

Göring has two but they're too small,

Menzies was in a frenzies,

But poor old Go-balls has no balls at all.

Variant 9

Hitler - had one fat ball

the other - is in the Albert Hall

His Mother - who ate the other

Is still lying dead in Albert Hall

Variant 10, sung by 1962 New York City kids and presumably learned from members of their fathers' generation who served in the U.S. military during WWII:

Hitler - has only one Big ball

Himmler - has two but they are Small

Göring - has a Ball Bearing

and... and... and Goebbels.. has No Balls...

At All !!!

In Songs from the Front & Rear, Anthony Hopkins gives the first verse of the song as:

Hitler,

Has only got one ball.

Goering,

Has two, but they are very small.

Himmler,

Has something sim'lar,

but poor old Goebbels,

Has no balls at all.

Where possible Hopkins has indicated the author and composer. He also notes in the Preface that some songs were not included because of "copyright restrictions". It should also be noted that a number of variations use the German spelling of names. This would lend some credence that the words were created by an individual with knowledge of the proper spelling the individuals mentioned in the songs. However, English the typewriter of the time would not have included the umlaut mark(ö). Hand transcription or a typewriter with a German keyboard would have been necessary. Again this would support the notion that it was created as propaganda.

Variant 11

Hitler, has only got one ball

And that's no bloody good at all

Himmler, has something sim'lar

and Goebbels has no balls at all

Variant 12 (note return to historical accuracy of Goering's description):

Hitler only had one left ball,

Himmler had two but they were small,

Goering lost his in the beer hall,

And poor old Dr. Goebbels never had balls at all.

Variant 13, as sung in South Africa by schoolchildren in the 1950s and '60s:

Hitler had only one brass ball,

Churchill had two but they were small,

Rommel se 'n was geskommel,

And Mussolini had no balls at all.

This is similar to the Australian version, however note the addition of Churchill (sometimes also "Monty") due to the ambivalent nature of Afrikaner sentiments to the British. Also note the addition of an Afrikaans third line that translates as "Rommel's was shaken".

Variant 14, historically inaccurate, but with good rhyme:

Hitler; he only had one ball,

Goering; had two but they were small,

Himmler; was somewhat similar

But poor old Goebbels--had no balls--at all.