Count Smokula - Count Smokula and Smokesylvania

Count Smokula and Smokesylvania

As imagined by Miles, Count Smokula is a 496 year old accordion-playing vampire with a cape and fez from the vaguely Eastern-European nation of Smokesylvania. He has been described as "Bela Lugosi-meets-Jackie Mason" and as "a sort of Yiddish Dracula, who plays the accordion and exhibits the longest tongue this side of Gene Simmons of KISS" The Count has a thick Smokesylvanian accent (He plays the "sqveezebox" and loves "to rock like you vouldn't believe it"). Music is his first love and the Count Smokula Orchestra started up about 300 years ago in Glipsch, Smokesylvania where he was greatly influenced by Shnotta Shmulevitz, Smokesylvania's most famous singer. But he definitely doesn't suck - as he says "I gave up fangs and blood 300 years ago, my doctor told me too much cholesterol". He subscribes to a belief in Smokulism, a "voild vide" faith revealed to the Count one sleepless night in 1997 after "ingesting a rather large vegetarian pizza in the presence of the Russian Madonna". It is a way of raising ones thoughts up from the dirt and down from the clouds to live in the world as it is, and this National Belief System of Smokesylvania can be achieved by just paying $10 for a certificate to become a true Smokulist.

At an indefinite date, the Count left Smokesylvania (or rather, it left him since he tells us they moved the country stone-by-stone to the South Pacific since "the veather vas too inclement") for Hollywood, California where he planned to make a fortune as a "public excess show host" so he could restore the glory of Smokesylvania.