Bridal Shower - Customs and Gift-giving

Customs and Gift-giving

Many different customs have developed in different regions and social groups. But the basic format has been relatively unchanged for generations, and emphasizes traditional gender roles. Sociologists like Beth Montemurro write that the ritual of the bridal shower "socializes women into the hyper-feminized traditional wife role," with its emphasis on the future role of the bride-to-be as family cook, homemaker, and sexual partner. Historian Elisabeth Pleck echoes this dynamic in pointing out that traditional shower gifts were "for the bedroom or the kitchen." But this role is more of an homage to the mothers and grandmothers than a reflection of how the bride-to-be will actually behave in the marriage.

Although the format has remained relatively consistent, there have been some significant changes. An etiquette guide from the 1920s suggested showers should be "purely spontaneous and informal," with guests arriving unannounced at the bride-to-be's home, while a planning guide from the 1950s suggests more complex themes and games.

Showers are often held during the afternoon or evening, but not generally as luncheons or dinner parties. They commonly take place four to six weeks before the wedding.

Due to the prior history of showers being "purely spontaneous and informal", showers have not developed the same formal etiquette that has developed with respect to weddings. Invitations may be issued informally, by mail, telephone or e-mail.

As showers are explicitly a gift-giving occasion, everyone who attends the shower is expected to bring a small gift. People who decline the invitation for any reason are not expected to send a gift or otherwise participate in the party.

Food can be served at bridal showers. Also treats such as cake and candy buffets can also be served for guests.