Plot
Kate, an attractive young woman, is attempting to comfort her father upon her mother's death — even though her mother is alive and has run off with Kate's uncle, leaving them destitute. He suggests that Kate become a prostitute to solve their money troubles. Kate refuses indignantly and decides to go to London to seek her fortune, over her father's objections ("Why walk all the way to London when you can make a fortune lying on your back?!")
Lord Blackadder is at home, target practising with his bow and arrow (his servant, Baldrick, is holding the target). Hanger-on Lord Percy enters and announces that he is in love with Jane Harrington. Blackadder remarks casually that he and Baldrick had both slept with her, which throws Percy's aim off and he shoots Baldrick in the groin with an arrow. Kate enters, disguised as a boy, introduces herself as "Bob," and asks to be accepted into Blackadder's service. Blackadder hires her on the spot, firing Baldrick in the process.
Over the next few weeks Lord Blackadder finds himself strangely attracted to his new servant and spends a great deal of time with "Bob". Lord Melchett and the Queen are concerned by this, and even Blackadder himself begins to worry after he nearly kisses "Bob" during a friendly tussle. He seeks advice from a doctor, who prescribes leeches to be dissolved in his mouth, and (on Baldrick's advice) consults the Wise Woman, who gives him three options: 1) kill Bob; 2) commit suicide; or 3) go ahead and sleep with Bob and, to ensure no one ever finds out, kill everyone in the entire world.
With no other options, Blackadder orders Bob out of his service, but the truth is revealed (along with "Bob's" breasts) and after a very brief sexual encounter Blackadder asks Bob/Kate to marry him. She accepts, and the Queen consents, after being reassured that Kate's nose isn't prettier than hers. Baldrick is chosen as Kate's bridesmaid, while Edmund's choice for best man is his school chum, Lord Flashheart, "the best sword, the best shot, the best sailor and the best kisser in the Kingdom".
The wedding does not go as smoothly as planned. Edmund bribes Kate's father to leave before anyone sees him, and Lord Flashheart doesn't show up. With no best man, Blackadder reluctantly asks Percy to fill in. At that moment Flashheart crashes through the roof, throws Percy out, and begins chatting up every woman in the room, including Nursie and Baldrick. He is quite taken with "Bob" and proceeds to steal her from Blackadder. The two of them appear wearing each other's clothing, announce they are running away together, set off a bomb, and disappear. Melchett reminds Edmund that in such circumstances, the groom marries the bridesmaid, a suggestion positively received by Baldrick.
Read more about this topic: Bells (Blackadder)
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