'Allo 'Allo! (series 1) - The Execution

The Execution

• Original airdate: 5 October 1984
• Written by: David Croft & Jeremy Lloyd
• Directed by: David Croft
• Produced by: David Croft
• Episode length: 35 minutes

After the plane has left, Michelle decides to blow up the railway. Captain Geering offers to help, since he has taken a course in explosives. Colonel Von Strohm does not like the idea of helping the resistance blow up their supply lines, but, as Geering points out, if they help blow up the railway, Von Klinkerhoffens train will not arrive, so they will not have to meet him and he will not find out they do not have their uniforms. And, as Michelle points out, if they do not cooperate, they will be shot.

Helga arrives at Herr Flick's headquarters very punctually - only twelve seconds late, which pleases him. He orders her to take off her jacket and let down her hair. His orders seem like innuendos, but they are not - it is only him being stiff. He asks her, if she thinks the colonel will find the missing painting and she answers, truthfully, that it is hard to say - "the whole thing is in the air at the moment".

The whole "team" (René, Yvette, Maria, the airmen, the German officers (dressed as onion sellers), Michelle and her aides) ride the lorry of the resistance to the railway and start preparing to blow it up. Yvette has had the gin bottle with the explosives strapped to her thigh all the time and now gives it to Michelle. She complains that there is a lot missing and René explains why. Since the remaining nitroglycerin might not be enough, she also decides to crash the lorry onto the railway, together with the explosion. René, Yvette and the Germans are therefore left alone with the bottle. Hans, who is holding the bottle, thinks they ought to have a drink while they are waiting, but when René informs him that the bottle does not contain gin but nitroglycerin he becomes too nervous and throws the bottle away - accidentally blowing up the railway. This wakes up the nearby German guards who start shooting at the lorry. It leaves with the resistance girls, the airmen and Maria, whereas René, Yvette and the German officers are left behind. After the guards have stopped shooting and the four have surrendered, they are captured and put in a prison cell.

Edith informs her mother, in whose bed she finds monsieur LeClerc, that René has been arrested by the Germans and will be shot. Fanny thinks it is because he has really done something and says she always knew he was a crook. When Edith remembers that monsieur LeClerc has been in prison many times, she asks if he can help her rescue René and he says he will.

In the cell, it turns out that the colonel, who is in there too, is the only person who can order their release. However, when Helga shows up by the small barred window in the cell, standing on a peasant, she mentions that their spare uniforms have arrived from the cleaner's and she gives them a hacksaw to saw through the bars. The colonel says he will still not be able to get out through that small window and he is the one who must sign the release orders. Geering points out that he could get out and forge the colonel's signature on the papers. Before she leaves, Helga also mentions that general Von Klinkerhoffen will arrive by car and is most displeased. Before they can do anything else, they receive a visitor and Geering is forced to hide the hacksaw in his trousers. It turns out the visitor is monsieur LeClerc - disguised as a priest. He also gives them a hacksaw for their escape, after which he leaves. At the same moment, more visitors arrive and Geering is forced to hide the second hacksaw in his trousers. The visitors turn out to be Edith and Fanny, who also give the party in the cell a hacksaw - its being Michelle's idea. Geering hides this hacksaw in his trousers too, but after that, they come up with another plan. Edith and Fanny switch clothes with the colonel and the captain, so they are dressed as onion sellers and the colonel as Fanny and the captain as Edith. Then, when the visitors have to leave, the officers get out that way and can get back to their office, put on their spare uniforms and sign the release orders for them all.

Edith, Fanny and Yvette are released, but the general decides to keep René for a while, in order to have someone to show to general Von Klinkerhoffen. When he arrives, they will tell him that René is an unimportant and innocent bystander who should be released. They try this plan, but the general orders him executed as an example. When the general has left, René demands the colonel find a way to save his life or he will reveal the Colonel's misdeeds: his theft of the Fallen Madonna, his aiding in the escape of the British airmen and his part in destroying the railway.. The colonel then comes up with the plan of giving the firing squad wooden bullets, which disintegrate ten feet from the muzzle of the rifle. When they fire, René will pretend to fall down as if dead.

René is brought back to the cell, where many people come to say their last farewell to him. The sixth one is Maria, who gives him a third ring with a suicide pill (apart from those he has received from Michelle and the colonel, which he is still wearing). She also gives him a fourth hacksaw for him to escape.

In the morning, everybody comes to attend the execution. Geering brings a box with wooden bullets and a box with real one, to show the colonel that they look exactly the same. However, before he can do anything with them, lieutenant Gruber, who is to lead the firing squad, takes both boxes and hands out bullets to the firing squad. Gruber, who fancies René, says a sad farewell to him and just before the firing squad shoots, Edith, Yvette, Maria, Fanny, monsieur LeClerc and Michelle start singing La Marseillaise. After René has fallen down and is believed to be dead, all Germans (the captain, the lieutenant, the colonel, the general and the firing squad) leave and the relatives are allowed to remove the body. As they bend over René, it turns out he is not actually dead and says, in a low voice, "Listen carefully, I shall say this only once. My bum is on a thistle!"

• Note: This episode features the first appearance of Hilary Minster as General Erich von Klinkerhoffen.